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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]0056 : to answer your question...I sort of get the feeling that YOU don't get to break through, they are the ones who let you in, or not. End of story.

My experience after dating a man like this for almost two years and having him check out emotionally at the end for long enough for me to call him on it, and then eventually just having to walk away myself because he was making zero effort to check back in or to break up with me himself (although that really seemed to be what he wanted), I told this anecdote to a friend to try and get her to understand what I was feeling :

It's like being at one of those old-fashioned balls they used to have. There are lots of people to dance with but you can only dance with each of them once. Etiquette states that you have to mingle. This guy is the guy that all the girls want to dance with. You're lucky enough for him to accept, show enough interest to break a few rules and to ask for a second dance but then when he's done, he's done. He walks away and moves on to the next girl with her dance card. You've had your moment and now must move on because he won't give you another dance. [/quote]

Oh honey, you've got to stop thinking that you were lucky that he "danced" with you or that he's this fabulous guy who left you in the dust feeling abandoned. Reframe your thinking:  You were lucky that you got out and are able to learn about yourself and why you were drawn to such an avoidant man in the first place, and that you can expect more from your next relationship. No need to try and figure this guy out anymore, or how he could be so cold or avoidant -- you are not going to be able to figure it out so don't give him more space in your brain. Figure yourself out instead, so that you ask more for yourself.[/quote]

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