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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here's a better idea, skip the trip and stay home and save the money. [/quote]

How will not going be helpful?   My DC is the only grandchild in DH's family.  Honestly, we don't like Phoenix but visit out of obligation.  I would love to just stay home or only visit my family who are not so rigid and neurotic and make their kids and grandkids stay at hotels.[/quote]

OP, please read through comments again.  You've asked a question but you're not listening to the answer.  This woman lost her husband and her entire life is in flux, have some compassion. Maybe she doesn't want your "help" cleaning because she's afraid you'll throw out things that are important to her.  Would you want her going through your home independently and decide what's treasure and what's trash?  Probably not.  Just get a hotel and for God's sake, muster up some kindness in your heart.  And honestly, from your responses alone, someone could easily describe YOU as "rigid and neurotic". [/quote]

I have decided to step back and not do anything.  MIL has a hoarding issue and this is the reasons her DH and she are at the assisted living facility.  Her DH had Alzheimer's and had BIL not taken them out of the house, social services would have.  FIL passed away in hospice care over a year and a half ago and by law, BIL was suppose to settle the estate by this May but got an extension until Novemver.  These are deadlines set by probate for the estate to be settled and not something we made up.

Mil has not been at the house in over a year and BIL was supposed to have the house cleaned out by May but really has not done anything.  We have offered to help him several times and been refused.  For the cost of our hotel bills, we could have had a cleaning crew there and had the house cleaned out several times over.  BIL obviously has issues with letting things go too.

We and BIL have no interest in the house but BIL goes to the house everyday to "check" on it (and complains about having to do so).  Mil will never again live there but will be in assisted living for the foreseeable future.  She no longer drives.

Basically, we have been at this impasse since FIL died.  Nothing is happening.  No one is cleaning.  The deadline is set for November.  I was hoping our offer of help to clean the house would be accepted on this visit but no, nothing.  I thought maybe us staying there over Christmas would get BIL on the ball but apparently not.

Anyway, I'm just going to step back and see if there will be another extension when November comes.

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