Reply to I'm lost. DD told me she was raped.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, take comfort in the fact that she told you.  This is a huge step.  I was sexually assaulted when I was 14 and told no one until my late 20s when I finally sought therapy to help me stop allowing that one event in my past to define me.  Get her in therapy ASAP. If she doesn't like her therapist, find another one.  Therapy is crucial.  Ask her what she needs, support her the best you can.  Good luck, I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to hear this from your daughter.  [/quote]

This is so sad to me - why do kids so often not tell any adults when they are assaulted?[/quote]

There's a lot of judgement that comes with sexual assault. Sometimes your attacker makes you feel like you're responsible. If you know him, especially if you go to school with him, it's hard to deal with the backlash from peers. You might be labeled a slut, or at least you'll be the girl who claims she was raped. Sometimes it happens when girls broke some other rule, like being somewhere their parents didn't approve of, or drinking. That brings on a fear of being judged for breaking other rules, like you might be punished for drinking as well as whatever trauma you have to deal with from the rape. You're afraid people won't believe you. It's embarrassing. If you're not a virgin, you might be afraid that your sexual history will be up for discussion. Some girls don't have an adult they're comfortable discussing sex with, much less violent nonconsensual sex. Sometimes they're not sure if it's rape, especially if it's date rape. (How many young men claim not to understand it's rape if she's passed out or too drunk to consent? It's more confusing for young women who might be fuzzy on the details.) Sometimes it's easier to pretend it didn't happen and try to take control of the situation (If I don't tell anyone I was raped, I can forget and it'll be like it never happened). You feel guilty and ashamed and wonder if it's your fault. It's downright painful to discuss it. Talking about it can be like reliving it. You might be afraid of how your parents will handle it. Will they tell the school administration? Go to his house and kill him? Make you go to the police? Will you be grounded forever for your own protection? Will you have to have a medical exam and let a stranger poke around down there and feel violated all over again? Are your parents going to think you're dirty now, not their little girl anymore? There are a thousand other reasons, but that's just some of what I remember feeling when it happened to me. Never told anyone.

It's hard enough to deal with that struggle as an adult. Children aren't equipped to handle those situations. [/quote]

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