Reply to I'm lost. DD told me she was raped.

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[quote=Anonymous]OP I followed the thread on Tweens and Teens, as well as an earlier thread I think you did.  So sorry to hear about this, but it does make sense in light of later developments.

I think a therapist ASAP is the wisest course.  Will heartily second listening to your child and if she doesn't like the first therapist take her to a second and to a third if need be.  Fit with a therapist is one of the most important factors needed for success.  It may take a little bit of time but group therapy with others in her situation may be helpful as well.  I don't know where you are located but the Psychiatric Institute of Washington in DC near Tenley runs one.

I agree with other PPs you should try to avoid treating her as a victim.  It might be helpful to read up on validation techniques.  There was a good thread on this here:

http://dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/478538.page

I do agree with those who would report to the police but she is at an age where that has to be her decision.  Doing something along these lines can help achieve closure, but it is very difficult and I wouldn't push at this time.  The statute of limitations give her quite a bit of time still.

Finally, I agree with seeing a counselor at school to see what can be done about her grades over the past year.  If they are sympathetic there are ways that things can be done

I am in the midst of helping my DD help her boyfriend who very recently encountered a man who had molested him as a child, which he never told anyone about, and suffered severe flashbacks.  She convinced him to go into therapy, where he is making progress, and got to the point where he is now going to group at PIW.  She tells me it's been pretty tough going and he has been suffering nightmares so has had to see a psychiatrist for sleep medication.  But it is gradually getting better.

Best of luck--this won't be easy.

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