Reply to Friend wants to go on vacation with ex husband.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Does she want her second marriage to fail also? Really, can't she go on an organized camping trip to the Sierras with a group tour or something similar? If she's so excited about camping, can't she pull together a camping trip herself or with like-minded campers?

Excluding DH2 and troublesome kid are huge red flags! What kind of mom is she?

She needs help with the annoying kid -- does he have some sort of ASD issues? Really, no kid should be that annoying, and if he is, he needs treatment, therapy, etc. She should be focusing on that instead of going camping with ex.

The whole things sounds dysfunctional and very immature. If DH2 can't go camping, she needs to be more respectful about how he feels! No wonder her first marriage failed!!

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OP here. [b]It has been twelve years of no outdoor trips for her[/b][u]. I think that her ex would not object to brining her DH along, but her older kids would prefer not (they actually get along with their step father) because they want to have their parents alone together. That younger child is the last person you want on a camping trip! If things aren't perfect he is a mess. My friend wants to be on this trip with her kids. 
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She can't manage to take her kids camping by herself with her kids, separately? Why not? Her husband can't go, but if she is this in love with the outdoor life, he surely would understand if she planned and did a camping/hiking/etc. trip with the kids but without him. Some folks are posting how this is a fantastic, once-in-a-lifetime trip, but why can't she arrange her own trip and not have to cadge one off her ex? Maybe she can't afford this kind of trip herself. Too bad. She can plan and save for one, or find a smaller-scale one that doesn't require her to sponge off her ex for something SHE wants to do.  She loves to camp and hike? She can make that happen for herself, and not use her current husband's disability as an excuse, unless he needs her constant care; but that can't be the case, if she can leave him long enough for this trip with the ex and kids.

She should let her ex be the parent and not attach herself even if the kids want her there. I guess she's willing to play buffer for a week between the kids and dad's strictness, as you describe it, so she can get in her desired trip.

OP, you're a good friend to be concerned and to want to answer the husband's inquiry carefully. But this is quite a can of worms because I suspect the woman resents her husband's disability keeping her from doing things she wants to do and being her "old self" who was outdoorsy (and who knows what other resentments she and the current husband have going on). Do you think that might be the bigger case here? I'd stay out of it and just say, "I understand your wanting input here, but I don't have any experience of the idea of ex-spouses vacationing together and wouldn't want to get involved."

There was some other thread on here a while back, I think, about the idea of exes vacationing together with their kids--maybe look that one up for other ideas.[/quote]

I wondered this too. The mom can only manage if the ex husband plans everything for her? WTH. This trip is a weird proposition.

But to answer your question, OP, I wouldn't get involved by answering anything.[/quote]

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