Reply to Apparently I don't have the relationship with my ILs that I thought I did.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Venting here.

I've been married to DH for close to 10 years and have always thought I had a really good relationship with my ILs. We live pretty far away so miss the day to day things, but make it to visit at least a few times per year and they reciprocate visits too. To my face, my MIL has always been friendly and supportive and I've even been honored that she's confided in me about some things. There is some teasing about some ways in which I differ from them (I'm a vegetarian and they aren't, I'm way more liberal politically but only answer things that they've directly asked vs. starting scuffs over differences, don't drink and they do, different religion, and have a much shyer personality than most of them).

I genuinely enjoy my time with them and try to fit in as best I can. My SIL can be a tough one to connect with - very outgoing and friendly, until she has an odd jealous flareup (e.g. my preschool DD playing with one of SIL's childhood toys that she'd forgotten at her parents for decades, til that moment and then SIL decides she must have back and takes it away from my child because she suddenly needs it for her own child instead of waiting until our 3 day visit is over and she lives near her parents). MIL and SIL are very close and constantly talk and text.

I've heard over the years that MIL and SIL regularly dissect me in some pretty unfriendly ways. At first I disregarded it as someone not really hearing what they thought they heard or chalked it up to the fact that they banter about a lot of people, but enough of my other BILs and SILs who are consistently reliable people who make a lot of effort to be a very positive part of our life have heard these exchanges about me (everyone lives close together except us so they get together regularly) and have pointed it out to me, and tonight I really can't write it off as a misunderstanding anymore. It's making me really sad and I'm also feeling pretty hopeless that there's anything that can be done about it. The SIL I can understand would do it based on how I've gotten to know her, but my MIL was hard to take as I've always felt like we had a genuinely good rapport, she praises me to me face, and she does a lot of little things to make me feel included.

I'm fairly socially awkward and I don't have the first idea about how to bring it up. I've known them for so long but suddenly feel like maybe I don't actually know them. If what I've heard is wrong (but I doubt it considering the source) it would be stirring the pot and turning into "that" DIL, and if it's true then I don't think I can necessarily believe anything that's said to my face anyway. DH says that there must be some misunderstanding and that he knows for a fact that MIL loves me etc., but he tends to see things through rose colored glasses and wants everyone to get along strongly enough that he can be a little oblivious sometimes.

I'm feeling really sad and embarrassed. I don't want to bash them - I just want to see if I can set things right. Anyone BTDT? [/quote]

Sounds like a normal IL relationship to me- normal for even non in-laws, come to think of it. Nothing to set right![/quote]

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