Reply to Apparently I don't have the relationship with my ILs that I thought I did.

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Reply to "Apparently I don't have the relationship with my ILs that I thought I did."

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, my sister is like this.  It is really more about her than you.  I say this because my sister literally can not talk about anything but other people.  When I am with her, she shreds our SIL, dissecting everything she says and does.  She picks apart her best friend.  She even goes on and on about coworkers I have never met.

My sister is deeply insecure and does this to feel better about herself. I stopped her from doing it around me by constantly shutting her down each time with a comment along the lines of  "wow, I thought you liked person x!" Or "oh, none of us are perfect and I'm sure she is trying her best."  If that doesn't work, I get very direct and say "I'm not comfortable talking about others this way.  Can we change the subject? HAVE you seen the latest episode of whatever?"
My mother participates with my sister but doesn't do this with anyone else.  I think it is the only way she can relate with my sister.  It is sad.

I get the sad feelings.  Just remember it isn't about you. [/quote]

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