Reply to Apparently I don't have the relationship with my ILs that I thought I did.

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Reply to "Apparently I don't have the relationship with my ILs that I thought I did."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here's my take on the situation, OP.

Your SIL is genuinely aggressive and spiteful.  She sounds mad at the world and she sounds like the instigator here.

On her own, MIL actually likes you.  She has confided in you, gets along with you, tries to include you, and has no beef with you.  She is a people-pleaser which is her big problem.  She will listen when SIL gets catty and not shut her down and provide a greek chorus of affirmation for her.   MIL genuinely likes you and gets along with you.  But going to try to please both of you.  I wouldn't bother with confronting MIL because there's nothing to confront and people like her just shut down when you try to get them to open up to what their "problem" is.  There is no problem -- they just bend in the wind.

With SIL, yeah, I would say you could send her an email and say something like "Larla, maybe you could help me out because I've been hearing some upsetting rumors that you are angry with me.  Is there anything I have done to offend you?  It seems like there are a lot of emails going back and forth about how you are angry with me."[/quote]

This is pretty close to my read of the situation, too.  However, I would go to your MIL and say something like "Jane, I'm really comfortable with you and feel that we get along well, but recently it seems as if things are a little off.  Is there anything wrong between us?  Anything I can do to make things better between us?"  Then just listen.  You can end with "Thanks.  I really want to get a along with the family, so please let me know anytime if there is something that I can do to keep things friendly between the family."

SiL doesn't like you and likely won't.  She's the type that feels threatened when a daughter-in-law is friendly with her mother and she is trying to drive and keep a wedge between the two of you.  Petty people like that usually can't be reasoned with and you'll probably only make things worse trying to talk with her.  I'd just steer clear with her and try to clear up the waters between you and your MIL.[/quote]

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