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[quote=Anonymous]I can understand your wife because I do something similar, too.  It's not constant and usually happens when I'm tired or overly stressed only, but I do exactly what your wife does -- I know I snapped and apologize afterwards and feel bad about it.

I think she is being sincere and truly does feel bad about it, based on my own experience.  The first step to stopping this behavior is recognizing that you do it, so this is a really good sign!  Unfortunately, it's probably something that's very ingrained in her.  Her mother did this, so she's probably done this herself since childhood.  Changing those split-moment behaviors is incredibly difficult.

If it's really bothering you, then sit down and have a conversation with her about it.  You need to set aside some time to really talk about how it makes you feel and what she thinks would make her feel better.  She's probably doing it when she's upset about something and doesn't even realize it.  If you think she's going to feel cornered during this discussion, focus on the aspect of "helping her deal with what's bothering you" -- showing concern for her happiness/well-being.  This will help her feel more motivated to work on it, rather than feeling even more guilty and upset that she's doing it.

But also let her know how much it hurts you and that simply saying "sorry" afterwards doesn't make the hurt go away.  I think about this frequently myself -- that saying "sorry" is a good first step but that actions speak louder than words.

My DH and I tried for a while setting aside one time per week when we would sit down and share our frustrations with each other.  It didn't work particularly well because we never felt very frustrated at the time -- but I think it has potential to diffuse some of those things that build up and make us snappy, so give it a try.

Don't consider divorce as other PPs have said.  Nothing from your original post makes me think this is such a serious problem that the next step is divorce.  If that even crosses your mind, go to therapy first.[/quote]

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