Reply to Should my sister have to pay for the wedding?

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[quote=Anonymous]If sister is smart she'll own up to the fact that she (and dad? what about him, in all this?) got carried away with excitement and way, way overpromised. If she's smart and gracious she will tell her daughter and daughter's fiancé very directly, "I'm sorry. This is on me and I admit I got carried away and raised your hopes too far, because I'm excited about your marriage. I know I backed out on a promise. But these college tuitions are a promise too, and that obligation was made much earlier. A wedding is a wonderful party and a beautiful day and I will help you to the hilt to find affordable alternatives, but we cannot afford what I promised you, and we cannot take out a loan. I apologize for that deeply and I understand that you're upset. But letting you start your married life based on our taking out loans when we have other debts already would be setting a very poor financial example for a young couple."

If the niece cannot get past this, I would fear for her and her marriage. She is pretty young. She and her fiancé may have a case of "wedding blindness" where they can't see past the fabulous party and look at what a real marriage is like. I hope that at 22 the girl can't manage to get any loans herself. It would be rotten to start a marriage in debt because of one day's party. Yes, people do it, and it's stupid.

I think your sister is right NOT to cave and go ahead to pay for this wedding just to "keep her word." It would be cheating the younger child to go into debt just as she is getting ready to enter college. Your sister knew that in the end. The prior obligation is to tuitions and retirement savings. Niece probably can't understand the importance of the retirement savings right now but sister ought to, and clearly does. Tell your sister that you support HER entirely and encourage her to be a good example to all her kids by admitting her error but also sticking to the real-world financial picture here. Tell her that

OP, don't get involved other than by supporting your sister when you talk with her. If niece vents to you, have your sister's back consistently but kindly.

BTW, I agree with the PP who said sister should pay any non-refundable deposits that must be forfeited. I hope there aren't any or they're not much.[/quote]

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