Reply to I don't respect my husband

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[quote=Anonymous]Ok I will try to be "nicer" to OP because I kind of understand where she is coming from.  My DH is very similar.

OP, your husband is a person, not a collection of traits which you either like or dislike.  I've noticed on DCUM that women think of their husbands as some sort of catalog of things they can brag about like, "My DH is sweet, does the dishes, makes 320k, and is hot.  He's the nerd I found that no one else wanted and now I'm a winner nyah nyah."  This is pretty insane and reflects some issues with these posters, which is basically what DCUM is all about.  More than that, you actually chose your husband, so at some point you liked more things about him than you disliked.

It's reasonable that over the years people change, and maybe you've realized that what you actually wanted is a man who is confident and makes more money.  Too bad!  This is what you've got.  YOU can be confident, YOU can make more money, but you can't force your DH to become these things.  I've often wondered why my DH isn't as confident as other people, but it's because he's cautious and honest with people.  Those are GOOD things.  He doesn't feel the need to assert his superiority or bullshit with people.  If he knows something, he knows it, if he doesn't, he isn't afraid to be vulnerable or ask for help.  These are GREAT traits.

Even though we are adults and we should know better, people forget that in life, every strength has a corresponding weakness.  You may have lots of money, but not much time to enjoy it.  You may have a great career, but not have the energy left over to enjoy fulfilling hobbies or friendships.  You may not have a lot of "confidence" but you may have a lot of insight and humility instead.  Life isn't a race, and you shouldn't ruin your marriage over perceived weaknesses.[/quote]

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