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[quote=Anonymous]Decided to stay with one kid.

Complications in pregnancy and a premature birth really took a lot out of me and I was pretty shell-shocked for the first 1-2 years of appointments, therapies, constant medical issues, etc. I was 39 when DS was born; based on my age and previous pregnancy, I was concerned that the same issue would happen again. DS is a great kid, but will have lifelong medical impacts. In my mind, I felt that I couldn't roll the dice just based on what I wanted, without giving strong consideration to what it might mean for that child. I'm not a risk-taker in the best of circumstances.

And if I'm being truthful, I also thought I would be better at parenting—it's been a hard, anxiety-filled road (even considering our road has been relatively easy compared to many) and two would probably completely overwhelm me (and what if it was twins?!). As time went on and I started to realize this, I decided that it would be better for me to focus on our family as it is, rather than pushing beyond my limits, which would make life harder on all of us. I am challenged every day as it is.

Though I believe it's the right decision for us, I am sad that DS won't have siblings, for all our sakes—we all would have loved that child. It still twinges from time to time, and I wish I had more ability to just roll with it—but I  feel some peace knowing that I made a decision (for once!) based on what was really there, not what I wished was there, if that makes sense.

Hugs to you. This is a toughie.[/quote]

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