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[quote=Anonymous]Despite your second post, it is still not at all clear to me whether you were explicitly told, "Your children can't come, this is a no-kids wedding" and if so -- who said that to you? I still wonder if there was miscommunication and maybe someone in the family told you "no kids" when that was not the bride and groom's intention, or maybe the bride and groom intended a no-kids [i]ceremony[/i] but kids are welcome at the [i]reception[/i].....I am not sure how or from whom you got the "no kids" message or whether that message meant "no kids at all" or just "no kids in the ceremony" etc. Was this actually written on the invitation? Or just mentioned in one conversation? With whom? This is really a bride-and-groom call.

But what really puzzles me is this: If you are close enough to this family, and caring enough towards this family, to pay for vacations for them, why are you not also close enough to feel comfortable directly addressing this with the bride and groom?

Why can't you simply say, in a kind and non-judgmental tone (and NOT by e-mail or text), "Hey, I need to ask you something because I'm confused and might have gotten the wrong end of the stick, and I want to check in with you. Cousin Sally said her kids are coming, but your mom (or cousin Joe or the invitation wording) said that this was a no-kids wedding. I assumed that meant our Jim and Jane shouldn't come, but now I'm confused. What's up?"

If you are really close to them, why can't you just say that and then be open to whatever they answer? If they feel close to YOU, they will probably 'fess up and ask for your commiseration:  "Cousin Sally and Cousin Sue are being a pain and insisting their kids come though, yes, we originally were clear that this is a no-kids wedding. We're sorry it's been confusing..." or whatever.

When people are actually close, they give each other the benefit of the doubt more than you are giving the wedding couple here. It's possible that the bride and groom weren't clear with her mom or with others in the family about what they wanted. It's possible that the families bringing their kids didn't get the same "no kids" warning that you did and truly don't know their kids shouldn't come (and therefore are not being jerks but are just being left out of a rather important loop). It's possible...that a lot of kinds of miscommunication are happening. But you're letting it fester and focusing on how you have been so good to them (which you truly have) rather than simply saying, "I know other kids are coming--did I misunderstand?" 
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