OP, your last post did you no favors. You are the one who's making a lot of assumptions and coming across as immature.

This is a wedding, whether you are close to them or not, it's not about you. You are making something which is really small into something big.

You should have said to your Aunt, would it be okay for the kids to come? You are letting your pride and ego get in the way of something which is easily solved.

Do you want to go to the wedding? If yes, I would call your aunt back and say, "I'd like to come to the wedding, but we can only attend as a family. Is this a problem?"

But I don't get the feeling you want to go to the wedding, I think you are enjoying complaining about this supposed injustice.

My 12 year old says THB, and that's what you sound like PP.

Anonymous wrote:Hello. I found out as my aunt accidently slipped on it discussing wedding particulars with me and I was sort of taken back so I guess missed the opportunity so to speak. I am sure those kids going might have had parents who pushed, I am hoping at least that was it and not something more. This is not us, we would not do that and ask for an invite that wasn't on an invitation. As for finances, my bad because I guess I did think we were that close and that they were almost surrogate grandparents (at least for my side since I don't have parents) so I was happy to bring them in more and now realize we are not that close. My cousin is young just out of college so my aunt is handling all the particulars including discussion that it was an outdoor country wedding that she is cooking for. Anyway, I see the points about not expecting things in return. I have to say though that I am human and I guess you would think someone would think of you but not always the case. Again I sent a gift and will not discuss it further, I only see drama and that is not good.

TBH
You sound like a big baby. Really, you are not as close because they did not invite your kids to their wedding? Seriously? I cannot stand people like you. You do something for someone, supposedly out of the goodness of your heart and then when the person does something you find unexpected you get on your high horse about what you did for them and how you are "offended" and aren't "as close" and keep bringing up what you did for them (even if only on DCUM).
Baby, Grow up. I have kids, I could care less if my close cousin did not invite mine to her/his wedding. WHOOPEE for me, I can either decline the invite because it does not work or I go and have some childfree time.
The world does not revolve around your offspring, even for those whose vacation you paid for.

Hello. I found out as my aunt accidently slipped on it discussing wedding particulars with me and I was sort of taken back so I guess missed the opportunity so to speak. I am sure those kids going might have had parents who pushed, I am hoping at least that was it and not something more. This is not us, we would not do that and ask for an invite that wasn't on an invitation. As for finances, my bad because I guess I did think we were that close and that they were almost surrogate grandparents (at least for my side since I don't have parents) so I was happy to bring them in more and now realize we are not that close. My cousin is young just out of college so my aunt is handling all the particulars including discussion that it was an outdoor country wedding that she is cooking for. Anyway, I see the points about not expecting things in return. I have to say though that I am human and I guess you would think someone would think of you but not always the case. Again I sent a gift and will not discuss it further, I only see drama and that is not good.

Despite your second post, it is still not at all clear to me whether you were explicitly told, "Your children can't come, this is a no-kids wedding" and if so -- who said that to you? I still wonder if there was miscommunication and maybe someone in the family told you "no kids" when that was not the bride and groom's intention, or maybe the bride and groom intended a no-kids ceremony but kids are welcome at the reception.....I am not sure how or from whom you got the "no kids" message or whether that message meant "no kids at all" or just "no kids in the ceremony" etc. Was this actually written on the invitation? Or just mentioned in one conversation? With whom? This is really a bride-and-groom call.

But what really puzzles me is this: If you are close enough to this family, and caring enough towards this family, to pay for vacations for them, why are you not also close enough to feel comfortable directly addressing this with the bride and groom?

Why can't you simply say, in a kind and non-judgmental tone (and NOT by e-mail or text), "Hey, I need to ask you something because I'm confused and might have gotten the wrong end of the stick, and I want to check in with you. Cousin Sally said her kids are coming, but your mom (or cousin Joe or the invitation wording) said that this was a no-kids wedding. I assumed that meant our Jim and Jane shouldn't come, but now I'm confused. What's up?"

If you are really close to them, why can't you just say that and then be open to whatever they answer? If they feel close to YOU, they will probably 'fess up and ask for your commiseration: "Cousin Sally and Cousin Sue are being a pain and insisting their kids come though, yes, we originally were clear that this is a no-kids wedding. We're sorry it's been confusing..." or whatever.

When people are actually close, they give each other the benefit of the doubt more than you are giving the wedding couple here. It's possible that the bride and groom weren't clear with her mom or with others in the family about what they wanted. It's possible that the families bringing their kids didn't get the same "no kids" warning that you did and truly don't know their kids shouldn't come (and therefore are not being jerks but are just being left out of a rather important loop). It's possible...that a lot of kinds of miscommunication are happening. But you're letting it fester and focusing on how you have been so good to them (which you truly have) rather than simply saying, "I know other kids are coming--did I misunderstand?"

Anonymous wrote:Either don't respond to the email asking why.you can't come or just say you and the kids have big plans for Mother's Day so you can't make it. Don't mention that you're hurt. No one is owed an invitation to a wedding. Take the high road. You won't forget it.

+1 And you don't need to have a conversation with your aunt about it -- it will be clear from the choice you've made why you've declined but you are gracefully declining without causing any drama or tension, as it is your prerogative to do, just as it is theirs to not invite your kids. Then I would let it go and if you finance their vacations in the future, don't do it with the expectation that they will do anything nice in return, or that they will appreciate in in the way you would hope or expect. But you certsonly should never feel obligated or responsible for their financial issues.

I'm not a huge fan of fake holidays but in this case I would much prefer a nice Mother's Day with my own young kids over an out of state wedding involving expense and childcare that kept me away from my kids. If asked I would be honest that I wanted to be with my kids on Mother's Day

Either don't respond to the email asking why.you can't come or just say you and the kids have big plans for Mother's Day so you can't make it. Don't mention that you're hurt. No one is owed an invitation to a wedding. Take the high road. You won't forget it.

It would annoy me but I would still go. I have huge regrets from missing weddings in the past.

I'd be honest and tell your aunt that it is mothers day weekend and you want to spend the time with your kids. Why is it so hard to just be honest. If she says bring the kids, then bring the kids if that's what you want to do. I'm unclear on how you know your kids were excluded and how you know others weren't.

Anonymous wrote:People like you are the reason I eloped.

It's odd all the way around though- why only "some" kids. I mean its generally understood that wedding party kids or very very little babies that come in carriers (and they and mom are usually only there for about an hour or so anyway)are generally welcome- but just some and not others arbitrarily?

We invited family kids but that's it- many moons ago. That was considered pretty standard at the time.

Anonymous wrote:If other kids (who are not in the wedding) are invited, I would be a little hurt. Send your regrets, a gift and forget about it.

Same here.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all the responses. I am sending a gift not cash. I could see how people thought I was holding things over their head for an invite. I don't see it that it way. I see it as we are close enough to be the go to people for all issues financial..and there are a lot and the one time and I do mean one time they could do something nice for us they aren't. I would never bring up things I have done for them to them, I am bringing it up on an anonymous forum for context why I am hurt. I do think maybe some people may have pushed for invites for their kids, I agree that is pushy and I would not do that. I am sort pondering is if it is fair for me to be hurt and is it something I talk about in terms of why I am not going. I would not accept a kids invite after the fact and realize if I brought this up it would escalate. As for Mother's day--well that is a holiday our family assigns a lot of value to. We have little rituals and the kids get excited. So I have closure that I do want to be with my kids on Mother's day. Anyway..thanks for all the many perspectives. Sorry I am not a writer..doing the best I can.

Wow -- are you 12?
If you offer to take people on vacations because that is a gift you want to extend to them -- then quid pro quo should not even be in your mind, anonymous forum or not.
Who wants to lug their kids to a family wedding anyway?
You sound a bit petty and immature

OP it's not clear who has come to you with financial requests. Is it your aunt, or your cousin (the one who is actually getting married)?

I would be annoyed too. I think either all or none with kids on the invite. It is not fair to pick and choose.