Reply to Honestly...am I the bad sister?

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[quote=Anonymous]You are not a bad sister or person.  I was in the same situation, though, as your brother.  My sister lived near my parents and my mother was at her house 4-5 times per week helping out with kids or laundry or whatever.  Every vacation day my DH and I used for the first 6 years we had kids was either to visit my family or his family.  All the cousins are the same ages.  Naturally, my mom would gravitate towards helping take care of my sister's kids because that was the norm.  When we visited DH's family, the same would happen with his sister's kids.

It is exhausting to go on "vacation" with young kids.  But it was off-putting watching the grandmothers basically acting as the nanny for my sister and SILs kids (MIL actually kept my SIL's kids in her room at her house when we visited so SIL could get a good night's rest).  As much as I wanted to build a relationship w/cousins and grandparents, we were the ones traveling to see everyone.  It would've been nice if DH and I could've gotten a bit of the help sister and SIL were so accustomed to.  When I mentioned this to my sister she was really defensive and couldn't see my point-of-view AT ALL.

I get that it was our choice to move away and raise kids w/out the help of family nearby.  But every joint family vacation plan, or holiday, was based on my sister's or SILs needs/desires.  One time the summer holiday beach vacation was scheduled around my SIL's nanny share family's summer vacation.  She didn't want to fly somewhere with just her DH and her grandparents to help - she had to bring her nanny which she shared with another family (she doesn't work btw).  I finally realized that they were all so involved with each other because of their close proximity that they couldn't see beyond sister/SIL's needs.  We cutback on the visits, once per year, and started taking our own family vacations.  So much better!

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