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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, there's a lot of evidence out there that having ADHD makes you more prone to self-medicate with drugs and alcohol.  But there's not much evidence that things like marijuana actually "help" ADHD symptoms.  It may be helping your husband, I don't know.   But there are better ways to deal with ADHD that don't impact your family so significantly. [/quote]

Yes, I know.  DH doesn't drink, doesn't smoke (cigarettes).

I am wondering even if he didn't smoke pot, whether he would just hang out in his room and play chess, anyway.  He is a shy guy.  Also, his room isn't locked or anything.  I can see him sitting there from the living room, playing around on his ipad.  It's not like he's in the basement with the door locked.

I wish I know how much was pot, or not.[/quote]

What does he do with the kids now?

I don't think pot is really the issue.  I think the issue is how much should he be interacting with his kids on a daily basis, in a healthy and engaged way.   [/quote]

This is OP.  His diagnosis was fairly recent.  It explains a lot.  I have been reading about adult ADHD.  Maybe my issue is with his hyperfocus, which can be formidable.  Maybe it's not the pot that makes him disappear into web-browsing, but his ADHD condition and his hyperfocusing.

I will say this: having children sure does bring out any issues lurking for years below the surface to bubble up.

When it was just me, he never escaped like that.  When small children and toddlers are screaming and playing, maybe the chaos does something to him and he needs to retire.  ADHD people can't multitask, I know that.

This thread has been helpful.  I have calmed down and thought through some things.  I think I owe DH an apology.

[b]Not his fault he has ADHD[/b].
[/quote]

It is his fault if he doesn't manage it well.  I've never heard of ADHD making someone fail to parent. [/quote]

Well, I never said he "failed to parent."  That's your guess.  He works hard, changes diapers, gives them cereal and milk.

ADHD is very debilitating.  Higher rates of academic problems, holding onto jobs, relationship and marital problems.  I would say that, yes, ADHD can certainly affect someone's ability to parent.

He is managing it as best as he can.  He says he fears the side effects of prescription pills.  That may be true.  He doesn't fidget, vomit, or have insomnia on pot.

[b]I see some of the condemnation[/b] on this thread similar to those parents who won't invite SN kids to their birthday parties.  Just an across-the-board damnation without keeping an open mind.  You hear "ADHD" and "pot" and it's like nothing I say penetrates your head.  He is a "loser."

Which is funny and sad to me at the same time.[/quote]

OP, you are the one posting because there is a problem.  You are the one wondering if there is a link between bad behavior and smoking pot daily.  You may think we are condemning him, but to us it looks like you are in denial.  You said he does "endless internet chess."    That he didn't "escape" when it was just you.  But the kids make him "retire from active family life."    None of that sounds good at all.  It would be a lot easier, I think, for other posters on here to deal with the pot smoking if a doctor told him to try it, vs. his self-medicating.  [/quote]

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