My kids are 5 and 7. On the weekends sometimes we watch a movie as a family, sometimes we go on hikes together or to some place as a whole. Sometimes we split up--one parent takes a kid to a birthday party while the other goes to Barnes and Noble to look at books and get a treat at the cafe. We exercise separately, usually while the kids watch TV. I usually get some cooking done by myself or if the kids join me and he'll build Legos with my son.

There is no more than an hour or so a weekend that DH and I get to check out completely from the family on a regular basis. My kids are in bed by 8 so any vegging out and relaxing happens after that. My dh also doesn't have any vices--no drinking, smoking, football obsession, and neither do I, so we don't have to concede there.

Why can't he smoke weed after your kids go to bed? I think you need to ask yourself why he's escaping all of you. I also would wonder why he's content in dealing with his ADHD and panic attacks with a drug as opposed to seeing a psychiatrist. I don't care how much money he has, I would rather that money be spent on him actually addressing the root of his issues rather than putting a band aid on it. I smoked a little in high school but my friends who smoked daily became completely stupid, they couldn't focus in school. Some who were college bound ended up not going because the weed ruled their life and took away their ability to think. That's my opinion and I do believe it kills brain cells and while I see that you are in defense of daily pot use, I'm guessing if you are reaching out here you aren't that happy about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is full of shit, a dope head and an unfit father on the verge of being, if he isn't already, a bad husband.

WHY do you ladies marry and breed with these losers ? WHY ???

Weed will ruin your life, your kid's lives, your bank account, you name it. Tell Daddy to grow the fuck up.

This is OP. Would it make a difference if I told you my DH has no other vices-he doesn't even like football, he is a hard worker, and makes a lot of money to provide for his family? Not violent, highly educated, never drives while high, doesn't endanger society.

I say this because if you have a knee jerk reaction that is anti-pot, that advice may not be very helpful to me.

I am trying to gauge how much positives his pot smoking brings, versus the negatives, because there are positives. His retirement to his man cave bugs me a lot, though.

I am not the PP and I agree 100% Your husband is a loser. He smokes pot instead of interacting with his children??? That's pretty disgusting.

What if he was on the computer or iPad or doing something else besides not interacting with his children? Would that still make him a loser?

My husband has ADHD. I get how debilitating it can be. But your husband should not be checking out every single night. That's a problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's a lot of evidence out there that having ADHD makes you more prone to self-medicate with drugs and alcohol. But there's not much evidence that things like marijuana actually "help" ADHD symptoms. It may be helping your husband, I don't know. But there are better ways to deal with ADHD that don't impact your family so significantly.

Yes, I know. DH doesn't drink, doesn't smoke (cigarettes).

I am wondering even if he didn't smoke pot, whether he would just hang out in his room and play chess, anyway. He is a shy guy. Also, his room isn't locked or anything. I can see him sitting there from the living room, playing around on his ipad. It's not like he's in the basement with the door locked.

I wish I know how much was pot, or not.

What does he do with the kids now?

I don't think pot is really the issue. I think the issue is how much should he be interacting with his kids on a daily basis, in a healthy and engaged way.

This is OP. His diagnosis was fairly recent. It explains a lot. I have been reading about adult ADHD. Maybe my issue is with his hyperfocus, which can be formidable. Maybe it's not the pot that makes him disappear into web-browsing, but his ADHD condition and his hyperfocusing.

I will say this: having children sure does bring out any issues lurking for years below the surface to bubble up.

When it was just me, he never escaped like that. When small children and toddlers are screaming and playing, maybe the chaos does something to him and he needs to retire. ADHD people can't multitask, I know that.

This thread has been helpful. I have calmed down and thought through some things. I think I owe DH an apology.

Not his fault he has ADHD.

It is his fault if he doesn't manage it well. I've never heard of ADHD making someone fail to parent.

Well, I never said he "failed to parent." That's your guess. He works hard, changes diapers, gives them cereal and milk.

ADHD is very debilitating. Higher rates of academic problems, holding onto jobs, relationship and marital problems. I would say that, yes, ADHD can certainly affect someone's ability to parent.

He is managing it as best as he can. He says he fears the side effects of prescription pills. That may be true. He doesn't fidget, vomit, or have insomnia on pot.

I see some of the condemnation on this thread similar to those parents who won't invite SN kids to their birthday parties. Just an across-the-board damnation without keeping an open mind. You hear "ADHD" and "pot" and it's like nothing I say penetrates your head. He is a "loser."

Which is funny and sad to me at the same time.

OP, you are the one posting because there is a problem. You are the one wondering if there is a link between bad behavior and smoking pot daily. You may think we are condemning him, but to us it looks like you are in denial. You said he does "endless internet chess." That he didn't "escape" when it was just you. But the kids make him "retire from active family life." None of that sounds good at all. It would be a lot easier, I think, for other posters on here to deal with the pot smoking if a doctor told him to try it, vs. his self-medicating.

Anonymous wrote:OP is a dumbass like her husband.

http://thecanyonmalibu.com/blog/10-signs-of-marijuana-addiction/

I feel sorry for the kids. They got stuck with parents that don't care about them.

Yes, I have read stuff like that. Keep in mind that website is for a treatment center, so hardly unbiased. It also provides no citations.

I would recommend:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24093525
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23992650

You also lose all credibility with me for saying "dumbass." Are you 12?

OP is a dumbass like her husband.

http://thecanyonmalibu.com/blog/10-signs-of-marijuana-addiction/

I feel sorry for the kids. They got stuck with parents that don't care about them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's a lot of evidence out there that having ADHD makes you more prone to self-medicate with drugs and alcohol. But there's not much evidence that things like marijuana actually "help" ADHD symptoms. It may be helping your husband, I don't know. But there are better ways to deal with ADHD that don't impact your family so significantly.

Yes, I know. DH doesn't drink, doesn't smoke (cigarettes).

I am wondering even if he didn't smoke pot, whether he would just hang out in his room and play chess, anyway. He is a shy guy. Also, his room isn't locked or anything. I can see him sitting there from the living room, playing around on his ipad. It's not like he's in the basement with the door locked.

I wish I know how much was pot, or not.

What does he do with the kids now?

I don't think pot is really the issue. I think the issue is how much should he be interacting with his kids on a daily basis, in a healthy and engaged way.

This is OP. His diagnosis was fairly recent. It explains a lot. I have been reading about adult ADHD. Maybe my issue is with his hyperfocus, which can be formidable. Maybe it's not the pot that makes him disappear into web-browsing, but his ADHD condition and his hyperfocusing.

I will say this: having children sure does bring out any issues lurking for years below the surface to bubble up.

When it was just me, he never escaped like that. When small children and toddlers are screaming and playing, maybe the chaos does something to him and he needs to retire. ADHD people can't multitask, I know that.

This thread has been helpful. I have calmed down and thought through some things. I think I owe DH an apology.

Not his fault he has ADHD.

It is his fault if he doesn't manage it well. I've never heard of ADHD making someone fail to parent.

Well, I never said he "failed to parent." That's your guess. He works hard, changes diapers, gives them cereal and milk.

ADHD is very debilitating. Higher rates of academic problems, holding onto jobs, relationship and marital problems. I would say that, yes, ADHD can certainly affect someone's ability to parent.

He is managing it as best as he can. He says he fears the side effects of prescription pills. That may be true. He doesn't fidget, vomit, or have insomnia on pot.

I see some of the condemnation on this thread similar to those parents who won't invite SN kids to their birthday parties. Just an across-the-board damnation without keeping an open mind. You hear "ADHD" and "pot" and it's like nothing I say penetrates your head. He is a "loser."

Which is funny and sad to me at the same time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's a lot of evidence out there that having ADHD makes you more prone to self-medicate with drugs and alcohol. But there's not much evidence that things like marijuana actually "help" ADHD symptoms. It may be helping your husband, I don't know. But there are better ways to deal with ADHD that don't impact your family so significantly.

Yes, I know. DH doesn't drink, doesn't smoke (cigarettes).

I am wondering even if he didn't smoke pot, whether he would just hang out in his room and play chess, anyway. He is a shy guy. Also, his room isn't locked or anything. I can see him sitting there from the living room, playing around on his ipad. It's not like he's in the basement with the door locked.

I wish I know how much was pot, or not.

What does he do with the kids now?

I don't think pot is really the issue. I think the issue is how much should he be interacting with his kids on a daily basis, in a healthy and engaged way.

This is OP. His diagnosis was fairly recent. It explains a lot. I have been reading about adult ADHD. Maybe my issue is with his hyperfocus, which can be formidable. Maybe it's not the pot that makes him disappear into web-browsing, but his ADHD condition and his hyperfocusing.

I will say this: having children sure does bring out any issues lurking for years below the surface to bubble up.

When it was just me, he never escaped like that. When small children and toddlers are screaming and playing, maybe the chaos does something to him and he needs to retire. ADHD people can't multitask, I know that.

This thread has been helpful. I have calmed down and thought through some things. I think I owe DH an apology.

Not his fault he has ADHD.

It is his fault if he doesn't manage it well. I've never heard of ADHD making someone fail to parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's a lot of evidence out there that having ADHD makes you more prone to self-medicate with drugs and alcohol. But there's not much evidence that things like marijuana actually "help" ADHD symptoms. It may be helping your husband, I don't know. But there are better ways to deal with ADHD that don't impact your family so significantly.

Yes, I know. DH doesn't drink, doesn't smoke (cigarettes).

I am wondering even if he didn't smoke pot, whether he would just hang out in his room and play chess, anyway. He is a shy guy. Also, his room isn't locked or anything. I can see him sitting there from the living room, playing around on his ipad. It's not like he's in the basement with the door locked.

I wish I know how much was pot, or not.

What does he do with the kids now?

I don't think pot is really the issue. I think the issue is how much should he be interacting with his kids on a daily basis, in a healthy and engaged way.

This is OP. His diagnosis was fairly recent. It explains a lot. I have been reading about adult ADHD. Maybe my issue is with his hyperfocus, which can be formidable. Maybe it's not the pot that makes him disappear into web-browsing, but his ADHD condition and his hyperfocusing.

I will say this: having children sure does bring out any issues lurking for years below the surface to bubble up.

When it was just me, he never escaped like that. When small children and toddlers are screaming and playing, maybe the chaos does something to him and he needs to retire. ADHD people can't multitask, I know that.

This thread has been helpful. I have calmed down and thought through some things. I think I owe DH an apology.

Not his fault he has ADHD.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's a lot of evidence out there that having ADHD makes you more prone to self-medicate with drugs and alcohol. But there's not much evidence that things like marijuana actually "help" ADHD symptoms. It may be helping your husband, I don't know. But there are better ways to deal with ADHD that don't impact your family so significantly.

Yes, I know. DH doesn't drink, doesn't smoke (cigarettes).

I am wondering even if he didn't smoke pot, whether he would just hang out in his room and play chess, anyway. He is a shy guy. Also, his room isn't locked or anything. I can see him sitting there from the living room, playing around on his ipad. It's not like he's in the basement with the door locked.

I wish I know how much was pot, or not.

What does he do with the kids now?

I don't think pot is really the issue. I think the issue is how much should he be interacting with his kids on a daily basis, in a healthy and engaged way.

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's a lot of evidence out there that having ADHD makes you more prone to self-medicate with drugs and alcohol. But there's not much evidence that things like marijuana actually "help" ADHD symptoms. It may be helping your husband, I don't know. But there are better ways to deal with ADHD that don't impact your family so significantly.

Yes, I know. DH doesn't drink, doesn't smoke (cigarettes).

I am wondering even if he didn't smoke pot, whether he would just hang out in his room and play chess, anyway. He is a shy guy. Also, his room isn't locked or anything. I can see him sitting there from the living room, playing around on his ipad. It's not like he's in the basement with the door locked.

I wish I know how much was pot, or not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is full of shit, a dope head and an unfit father on the verge of being, if he isn't already, a bad husband.

WHY do you ladies marry and breed with these losers ? WHY ???

Weed will ruin your life, your kid's lives, your bank account, you name it. Tell Daddy to grow the fuck up.

This is OP. Would it make a difference if I told you my DH has no other vices-he doesn't even like football, he is a hard worker, and makes a lot of money to provide for his family? Not violent, highly educated, never drives while high, doesn't endanger society.

I say this because if you have a knee jerk reaction that is anti-pot, that advice may not be very helpful to me.

I am trying to gauge how much positives his pot smoking brings, versus the negatives, because there are positives. His retirement to his man cave bugs me a lot, though.

Well, if you're going to excuse his dope smoking then enjoy your misery because BTDT and it doesn't get better. He will love his weed more than he loves you, more than he loves his kids, more than he does making a living and being a decent husband and father. Hell, he'll love weed so much he'll talk you into doing it too because misery LOVES company. So get ready for a shitty life. Save the excuses for your kids when they ask you why you didn't care and why can't they do drugs too.

You sound super bitter. I'm sorry your DH treated you poorly. Doubt it was pot's fault, though. Seriously. I don't smoke weed. That is fine with DH.

I have been married to this man for many, many years. We have had our ups and downs, but we have a nice, loving home. Unfortunately, my DH, despite all his accomplishments, has a diagnosed condition (ADHD) that he would like to control.

He is actually quite happy most of the time. He is not a miserable person. He was more unhappy when he was not smoking. He has panic attacks, and anxiety, which the pot controls. He does endless internet chess, however, which as I mentioned, bugs the crap out of me.

I don't think your story is my story.

OP, there's a lot of evidence out there that having ADHD makes you more prone to self-medicate with drugs and alcohol. But there's not much evidence that things like marijuana actually "help" ADHD symptoms. It may be helping your husband, I don't know. But there are better ways to deal with ADHD that don't impact your family so significantly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is full of shit, a dope head and an unfit father on the verge of being, if he isn't already, a bad husband.

WHY do you ladies marry and breed with these losers ? WHY ???

Weed will ruin your life, your kid's lives, your bank account, you name it. Tell Daddy to grow the fuck up.

This is OP. Would it make a difference if I told you my DH has no other vices-he doesn't even like football, he is a hard worker, and makes a lot of money to provide for his family? Not violent, highly educated, never drives while high, doesn't endanger society.

I say this because if you have a knee jerk reaction that is anti-pot, that advice may not be very helpful to me.

I am trying to gauge how much positives his pot smoking brings, versus the negatives, because there are positives. His retirement to his man cave bugs me a lot, though.

Nope. I'm not against a few couples passing a joint around on a Friday or Saturday night. But being anti-social with your own family? Bullshit. Spending tons of money on yourself that do nothing to make you a better person for your family?Bullshit.

Well, maybe you are not against that practice because you yourself are a recreational user. My DH is clearly not. I'm not trying to turn this thread into a "is pot medicinal?" debate. There are plenty of articles out there on that.

Pot does make my DH a better person, the way aspirin may make your spouse who has chronic migraines a better person to deal with. It has side effects, though. I am trying to figure out how much of his retirement is his temperament, how much is pot, and frankly, I am asking what goes on in other homes to get a baseline.

That is all. DH is definitely not a "loser," that stereotype of the cannabis user needs to go by the wayside. Lots of highly accomplished people smoke weed regularly, dear PP...if only you knew. They are all on the down low. Being a medical pot user is kind of like being gay, in some respects. There is actually no stereotype...people from all walks of life fall in that category.

However, if his pot smoking has too many side effects, maybe he should look into getting a prescription, instead.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is full of shit, a dope head and an unfit father on the verge of being, if he isn't already, a bad husband.

WHY do you ladies marry and breed with these losers ? WHY ???

Weed will ruin your life, your kid's lives, your bank account, you name it. Tell Daddy to grow the fuck up.

This is OP. Would it make a difference if I told you my DH has no other vices-he doesn't even like football, he is a hard worker, and makes a lot of money to provide for his family? Not violent, highly educated, never drives while high, doesn't endanger society.

I say this because if you have a knee jerk reaction that is anti-pot, that advice may not be very helpful to me.

I am trying to gauge how much positives his pot smoking brings, versus the negatives, because there are positives. His retirement to his man cave bugs me a lot, though.

Well, if you're going to excuse his dope smoking then enjoy your misery because BTDT and it doesn't get better. He will love his weed more than he loves you, more than he loves his kids, more than he does making a living and being a decent husband and father. Hell, he'll love weed so much he'll talk you into doing it too because misery LOVES company. So get ready for a shitty life. Save the excuses for your kids when they ask you why you didn't care and why can't they do drugs too.