Reply to I told my husband I want to start seeing other people.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your husband won't go to counseling with you to fix marriage and won't divorce you, but you think he's going to be a-okay with you sleeping with someone else? This feels almost War of the Roses-like, you guys are just going to keep making each other more and more miserable until one person finally files for divorce.[/quote]

OP. - I wouldn't  like to divorce but if he won't work on things, that is what I will do.  I'll move out and get the process started.  I'm lonely in my marriage, not feeling particularly strong, and I'd like to casually go out and enjoy life while I'm getting the divorce started.  I'd like to flirt again.  I'd like to have engaging conversation.  I'd like to do things.  I have friends who are married, so their weekends tend to be committed.  I'm looking for a person with whom to have fun, not to be a therapist.  I want to experience life is good.  I'm not looking for a committed relationship, just someone to do things with who is not one of my girlfriends.

So it is a baby step for me to start detaching.  [/quote]

I actually get the frustration. It's on you to do all the work of proceeding with a divorce and you don't know if DH will make it even harder.  On top of that this isn't your preferred path but he refuses to try to improve the marriage.  Well the upside of being the one that will initiate the divorce is that you do have control of when and how.  Use this time to make sure you are really ready, financially, emotionally, and legally before you make the move.  If you need to process the emotions of both the affair and end of your marriage, seek individual counseling.

Try not to make rash decisions because you are upset and want out.   I would personally be worried about making a misstep like seeing other people in a state where that could make a difference in divorce proceedings or leaving myself open to soon to be ex running up debt in combined accounts or not paying mortgage etc out of spite because I didn't know how one should handle finances when in the midst of separating/divorcing when the other person isn't on board. Try to focus your energy on preparation.[/quote]

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