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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How about if I text the other number?[/quote]

Just go on one of the numerous reverse phone search companies like intelius and find out whose number it is. Also check her Internet browsing history she likely has s secret email account.

This is likely an affair. But if you've been married 10+ years and have kids rather than jump to divorcing I would seek counseling and try to work through it. In my circle I've noticed a pattern of mid 40s wives doing this shit and eventually they snap back. It usually means that they are recovering from years of perceived neglect and have resentments and feel entitled to "happiness". It's usually not only about sex but the emotional connection. Sad and doesn't excuse the behavior in any way. Just saying its a pattern I've seen half a dozen times and in each case it was able to be worked out. Be forewarned that after this women don't get all sorry for their actions like men. It just takes six months or a year and they are back. Look at yourself too and see if you talked to her in disrespectful ways or ways that she perceived caused her hurt. Women sometimes seems crazy and unaccountable. But if you love her and have kids you may take this on the chin. Especially if you believe she is otherwise a good person. [/quote]

Any suggestions about how to confront her?  I do not even know where to begin?

As to my accountability, I put a lot of pressure on the relationship in a number of ways:  my job is demanding and impinges on family life a lot and requires sacrifices on her part, but at the same time she is a very very needy person.  I feel that there is no way I can possibly fulfill 100 percent all of her needs - they are just too many.  This failure or unwillingness (as she perceives) unwillingness to give her what she wants is at the root of our marital problems.  Although, it is a bit like peeling back an onion - there are layers and layers of things to get through before you get to the core.

I have been reading about couples counseling and one of the things mentioned there is both parties seeing a therapist separately,  I have been seeing one just in order to find ways to cope with other things in the marriage outside of the infidelity. I would like her to get to one herself to explore and work on her own issues.  She will not do it, as she sees me as the culprit in her unhappiness.  She has asked me yet again to change jobs.  I did change jobs about 10 years ago to accomodate her needs, but nothing changed in the relationship dynamic.

At the same time, she has been accusing me of having affairs, which I have not.  She has gone so far as to tell my daughters I am sleeping around and I have told them I am not.  Yet, they are now very cold for me.  At the same time, they both know Mom has been doing it.  It is a real sad mess that I just do not know how to handle or get out of.  [/quote]

She's projecting when she accuses you of having an affair. Classic cheater move. And telling your daughters about her projections, with the result of alienating them from you? Seriously disturbing move. Sorry, she doesn't sound like a good person, OP. You might be well advised to start taking steps to protect yourself. By that, I mean consult an attorney to explore your options, etc.[/quote]

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