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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  Thanks for the responses.  My mom and sister come to visit under the pretense of wanting to see us and our DS and help us out, but they are really here for the shopping and dining out.  I guess that is the real problem, but I could never admit to them that it hurts my feelings.  They come about once every other month.  They drive, and even after acknowledging and joking about keeping DS up, still make the drive completely on their schedule, stopping to do errands, have dinner, pick up a few things from their favorite bakery, etc., on the way here.  DS is fine and I know being a little sleep deprived and crabby isn't the end of the world.

So, after 15 years of coming whenever they want (they actually prefer when we have obligations outside the home because it gives them more time), they suggest coming a day later and earlier in the day.  After discussing it with my sister a few times I decide (because I'm fed up) not to back down from my preference for this arrangement (this time, not that they have to do it every time).  I was polite, but firm.  It was not my intention to be mean or bitchy about it.  I have never before told them when they could or couldn't come.  To be fair, I am welcome at my mom's house anytime.

First they push back and when I stand firm they decide not to come at all.  It was really disappointing that this was their response after all this time.  I think a normal mom/grandma response would have been, "Sure, honey, if that day works better for you we'll come then."  I am hurt and annoyed.  DS loves them of course and I can't imagine keeping him away from them.
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No offense OP but your only reasonable expectation here was that you would not be a doormat.  Check -- you made that goal.

That your obnoxious guests would magically become thoughtful and kind people was not a realistic expectation.    That's probably not going to happen no matter what you do.

Sorry (!).

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