Anonymous
02/08/2015 14:09
Subject: Tired of running a hotel for my family, but setting a boundary ...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think you need to put this in perspective. What's more important - seeing your family or having your routine interrupted?
I get that you are outraged on behalf of your kid, but it seems like you are mostly annoyed the daily routine gets out of whack when they come.
They don't have to live on your schedule. Be a little more flexible and accommodating.
Did you read OP's post? Her family are behaving like selfish twats.
PP here. I read it, and yeah, their behavior could be better. However, it's a courtesy that you accommodate the travelers and the guests in your home. They don't accommodate you. Both sides need to behave better, but it seems like OP's choice is between them coming and not coming at all. So have them come and talk about it in person.
No, it was the mom and sister making the choice between them coming and not coming at all.
+1
Anonymous
02/08/2015 11:08
Subject: Tired of running a hotel for my family, but setting a boundary ...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think you need to put this in perspective. What's more important - seeing your family or having your routine interrupted?
I get that you are outraged on behalf of your kid, but it seems like you are mostly annoyed the daily routine gets out of whack when they come.
They don't have to live on your schedule. Be a little more flexible and accommodating.
Did you read OP's post? Her family are behaving like selfish twats.
PP here. I read it, and yeah, their behavior could be better. However, it's a courtesy that you accommodate the travelers and the guests in your home. They don't accommodate you. Both sides need to behave better, but it seems like OP's choice is between them coming and not coming at all. So have them come and talk about it in person.
No, it was the mom and sister making the choice between them coming and not coming at all.
Anonymous
02/08/2015 06:41
Subject: Re:Tired of running a hotel for my family, but setting a boundary ...
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. My mom and sister come to visit under the pretense of wanting to see us and our DS and help us out, but they are really here for the shopping and dining out. I guess that is the real problem, but I could never admit to them that it hurts my feelings. They come about once every other month. They drive, and even after acknowledging and joking about keeping DS up, still make the drive completely on their schedule, stopping to do errands, have dinner, pick up a few things from their favorite bakery, etc., on the way here. DS is fine and I know being a little sleep deprived and crabby isn't the end of the world.
So, after 15 years of coming whenever they want (they actually prefer when we have obligations outside the home because it gives them more time), they suggest coming a day later and earlier in the day. After discussing it with my sister a few times I decide (because I'm fed up) not to back down from my preference for this arrangement (this time, not that they have to do it every time). I was polite, but firm. It was not my intention to be mean or bitchy about it. I have never before told them when they could or couldn't come. To be fair, I am welcome at my mom's house anytime.
First they push back and when I stand firm they decide not to come at all. It was really disappointing that this was their response after all this time. I think a normal mom/grandma response would have been, "Sure, honey, if that day works better for you we'll come then." I am hurt and annoyed. DS loves them of course and I can't imagine keeping him away from them.
No offense OP but your only reasonable expectation here was that you would not be a doormat. Check -- you made that goal.
That your obnoxious guests would magically become thoughtful and kind people was not a realistic expectation. That's probably not going to happen no matter what you do.
Sorry (!).
Anonymous
02/07/2015 00:19
Subject: Re:Tired of running a hotel for my family, but setting a boundary ...
OP here. Thanks for the responses. My mom and sister come to visit under the pretense of wanting to see us and our DS and help us out, but they are really here for the shopping and dining out. I guess that is the real problem, but I could never admit to them that it hurts my feelings. They come about once every other month. They drive, and even after acknowledging and joking about keeping DS up, still make the drive completely on their schedule, stopping to do errands, have dinner, pick up a few things from their favorite bakery, etc., on the way here. DS is fine and I know being a little sleep deprived and crabby isn't the end of the world.
So, after 15 years of coming whenever they want (they actually prefer when we have obligations outside the home because it gives them more time), they suggest coming a day later and earlier in the day. After discussing it with my sister a few times I decide (because I'm fed up) not to back down from my preference for this arrangement (this time, not that they have to do it every time). I was polite, but firm. It was not my intention to be mean or bitchy about it. I have never before told them when they could or couldn't come. To be fair, I am welcome at my mom's house anytime.
First they push back and when I stand firm they decide not to come at all. It was really disappointing that this was their response after all this time. I think a normal mom/grandma response would have been, "Sure, honey, if that day works better for you we'll come then." I am hurt and annoyed. DS loves them of course and I can't imagine keeping him away from them.
So, after 15 years of coming whenever they want (they actually prefer when we have obligations outside the home because it gives them more time), they suggest coming a day later and earlier in the day. After discussing it with my sister a few times I decide (because I'm fed up) not to back down from my preference for this arrangement (this time, not that they have to do it every time). I was polite, but firm. It was not my intention to be mean or bitchy about it. I have never before told them when they could or couldn't come. To be fair, I am welcome at my mom's house anytime.
First they push back and when I stand firm they decide not to come at all. It was really disappointing that this was their response after all this time. I think a normal mom/grandma response would have been, "Sure, honey, if that day works better for you we'll come then." I am hurt and annoyed. DS loves them of course and I can't imagine keeping him away from them.
Anonymous
02/06/2015 22:36
Subject: Tired of running a hotel for my family, but setting a boundary ...
It's OP's house so she gets to make the rules. They're just using her to take apparently extravagant shopping trips and stay somewhere for free.
OP, I'm sorry you had to find out how selfish your family is. It's always a harsh reality to discover this.
I say your right, and hold your ground. If they try to visit again and get there late, send them to a hotel or they can arrive before your soon goes to bed, no exception.
OP, I'm sorry you had to find out how selfish your family is. It's always a harsh reality to discover this.
I say your right, and hold your ground. If they try to visit again and get there late, send them to a hotel or they can arrive before your soon goes to bed, no exception.
Anonymous
02/06/2015 14:24
Subject: Tired of running a hotel for my family, but setting a boundary ...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think you need to put this in perspective. What's more important - seeing your family or having your routine interrupted?
I get that you are outraged on behalf of your kid, but it seems like you are mostly annoyed the daily routine gets out of whack when they come.
They don't have to live on your schedule. Be a little more flexible and accommodating.
Did you read OP's post? Her family are behaving like selfish twats.
PP here. I read it, and yeah, their behavior could be better. However, it's a courtesy that you accommodate the travelers and the guests in your home. They don't accommodate you. Both sides need to behave better, but it seems like OP's choice is between them coming and not coming at all. So have them come and talk about it in person.
It's not either/ or. That what grandma decided to make it, not OP. No problem solving going on here, just "grandma's way or the highway." Nice.
The frequent repeat "houseguests" to our house do not get special treatment nor accommodation. We both work, kids are busy, life is costly, please meet us on a family vacation if you truly want to spend quality time with your adult child, the spouse and kids. Living in our house off for free for weeks while everyone is out 8-4pm is not convenient for us nor is going to be put on a pedestal. Enjoy your 3 free meals and snacks each day while we're working and at school! Just keep defrosting all our food in the freezer, you're awesome and so thoughtful. Oh, and never, ever offer to take us out for dinner or get your own groceries. That would be too considerate.
Anonymous
02/06/2015 14:19
Subject: Tired of running a hotel for my family, but setting a boundary ...
How often are they hotelling up in your house for long weekends? Like 6+ times a year? hmmm.
Are they driving in or helping with things, or do they expect an all expenses paid weekend with driving, meals, etc.?
Do you visit them? How are things handled then?
It IS perfectly fine to ask houseguests to adjust their travel times if it is easily possible and helpful (i.e. not landing on the transatlantic flight at 8pm ET).
Are they driving in or helping with things, or do they expect an all expenses paid weekend with driving, meals, etc.?
Do you visit them? How are things handled then?
It IS perfectly fine to ask houseguests to adjust their travel times if it is easily possible and helpful (i.e. not landing on the transatlantic flight at 8pm ET).
Anonymous
02/06/2015 09:55
Subject: Tired of running a hotel for my family, but setting a boundary ...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think you need to put this in perspective. What's more important - seeing your family or having your routine interrupted?
I get that you are outraged on behalf of your kid, but it seems like you are mostly annoyed the daily routine gets out of whack when they come.
They don't have to live on your schedule. Be a little more flexible and accommodating.
Did you read OP's post? Her family are behaving like selfish twats.
NP here. OP, her mother, sister, and kid are all behaving like selfish twats. Plenty of apples clustered around that tree and one's bitching about the rest of them.
Anonymous
02/06/2015 08:26
Subject: Tired of running a hotel for my family, but setting a boundary ...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think you need to put this in perspective. What's more important - seeing your family or having your routine interrupted?
I get that you are outraged on behalf of your kid, but it seems like you are mostly annoyed the daily routine gets out of whack when they come.
They don't have to live on your schedule. Be a little more flexible and accommodating.
Did you read OP's post? Her family are behaving like selfish twats.
PP here. I read it, and yeah, their behavior could be better. However, it's a courtesy that you accommodate the travelers and the guests in your home. They don't accommodate you. Both sides need to behave better, but it seems like OP's choice is between them coming and not coming at all. So have them come and talk about it in person.
Anonymous
02/05/2015 21:53
Subject: Tired of running a hotel for my family, but setting a boundary ...
Anonymous wrote:I think you need to put this in perspective. What's more important - seeing your family or having your routine interrupted?
I get that you are outraged on behalf of your kid, but it seems like you are mostly annoyed the daily routine gets out of whack when they come.
They don't have to live on your schedule. Be a little more flexible and accommodating.
Did you read OP's post? Her family are behaving like selfish twats.