Reply to Support sister even if she's in the wrong

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]PP, I am OP. My brother in law (soon to be former) was a good father. He actually from what I saw was incredibly involved (I actually lived with them briefly when I first moved to DC when the children were older and we didn't find a house). It might have been a show, but honestly, the stress in the marriage was definitely financial. There were money issues and from what I saw a refusal to cut back from the good times or in the alternative work (she made a decent salary before. no clue how she'd do now). She is pretty clear there aren't other women and her ex is living a pretty spartan life right now in a studio in a crappy area.

I am writing my sister a letter explaining my discomfort. I am going to ask to not be involved because I can't lie. Her ex wasn't abusive, he was a good dad, and by all accounts is being fair, although she has spent an hour complaining about having to sell her house and leave her nice suburb. I recommended she head down my way, a bit further out and cheaper and received a scoff. I have no clue what their plans are once the divorce is done. It's not my business, but until I spend an hour listening to the fall out, I guess. He's pushing for a quick divorce, so I assume things will move quickly once the sole custody idea falls apart (I hope).

We are such different women. I love her, but I just can't get behind this idea.

Thank you guys for posting. It was a good gut check.[/quote]

OP, I hope you haven't written to your sister yet.  Please wait.

Understand that you or your testimony alone will not decide the kids' fate.  You won't wield that much power.  All you will do is cause a HUGE strain between you and your sister - possibly for life.  seriously.  Please consider testifying and doing what this pp suggested:

[quote]Let her know that if you testify, you will speak honestly about what you know about her and her husband as parents.[/quote]

tell her you will support her, but not lie on the stand.  You can honestly say she'll be a good mother - be a character witness for her.  You won't form an opinion on who would be the better parent - tell her that's for the courts to decide - you're not an expert.  but you will support her and testify that she is a good mom.  Just consider the long term consequences of your actions right now.

Honestly, if I were your sister and you preempted all of this by refusing to testify on my behalf, I don't know if I could ever forgive you.   I think it's a louder message to the courts when your own sister won't even be there to be a character witness for you then if you were, and said nice things about sister but were silent (or truthful when asked) about the dad.  Think about it.  If you refuse, the courts may wonder what she is hiding and infer a lot more about your absence.

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