Reply to SIL living with us for 5 months now and no sign of a job.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sorry pressed submit before I was done, she does talk to me sometimes usually in tears about how she's a burden on us and she doesn't want to live this way anymore. It breaks my heart. I want to tell her with my husband that we need her to work, but I don't want to hurt her in anyway or make her feel unwelcome. As I said before, she is more than welcome here.

I wanted some advice on how to say get up and get a job tactfully and so she knows she's welcome here and our casa is her casa.

I just think she is depressed maybe. And want to go lightly with this situation.[/quote]

I think you are ahead of the game in the sense your SIL is conscious of your generosity and doesn't want to take advantage and has expressed that to you and she is helping around the house.  Not that I have any experience because my sibling situation has too drama to have a rational conversation but I think the best approach is to ask her how she would handle it if the situation were reversed and you both lost your job when she was working and there was enough room to come to live with her. The first month we are sending out resumes like crazy and getting a few interview and then it slows down and then you see that we don't seem as happy and don't leave the house as much but don't know exactly why and don't want to take a mistep as to making an assumption or making the greatest brother and sister and law feel anything other than completely welcome.  WWYD.  You can even sprinkle some humor like say your favorite brother (assuming he is the only brother) or something else to help diffuse the situation.  I think it is important that your SIL is central in coming up with ideas because only she knows what is going on in her mind or has to take the time to figure it out if she doesn't, and I would think it would be good for her to feel a sense of control when there are so many things out of her control.  I normally would say for your husband to handle conversations with his family but in this case I think it is important for your SIL to know that you consider her to be like your sister and you and DH are united in welcoming her to your home.

Good luck.[/quote]

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