Anonymous wrote:She should be temping - ideally, through a proper temp/placement agency, but if she doesn't make it through their screening, then she should at least be doing odd jobs via TaskRabbit.

Doing nothing for months on end isn't good for your mental health or for your career. She's more likely to get a proper job offer if she's out there, making connections, and proving herself with whatever little jobs she can get.

I'd second temping. It's a great way to figure out what you like and don't like in a job. I did it a lot in my early twenties and gained a lot of valuable experience and insight. Sure, some assignments were boring, but there was always something to learn.

She should be temping - ideally, through a proper temp/placement agency, but if she doesn't make it through their screening, then she should at least be doing odd jobs via TaskRabbit.

Doing nothing for months on end isn't good for your mental health or for your career. She's more likely to get a proper job offer if she's out there, making connections, and proving herself with whatever little jobs she can get.

She sounds depressed.

Find a great career counselor who will help her with her resume, and job hunting strategies. Pay for it and say you understand she's feeling down and you want to help. Maybe she just needs some encouragement from a professional.

Geeze, OP, where'd you go?

What's her degree in?

DC is a competitive job market in all fields all the time, so the young woman does need to be out and doing something and if at all possible something that could be woven into a life experience in a job interview in the future such as that she was taking classes exploring a new field, volunteering in her field while job searching or exploring a new area etc.
It may take a while to find a job, but no 24 year old she just be couch sitting if she wants to land back in the job market. Besides sitting, if she has a bachelors, she could also sign up to be a sub in an area school.

I'd suggest she at least look for some volunteer jobs to get out of the house and network too.

It is your husband's sister and he is the one who needs to do the communicating about her future plans with her.

It took my sister over a year to find work while she lived with my parents. She would send a whole bunch of resumes for jobs and only hear back from a few - very sporadically. She was still going out clubbing, shopping, being with friends etc. My parents were supporting her 100%, from allowance to paying for all her expenses. From the outside it would have looked as if she was partying - but in retrospect I am happy she did that because she would have become depressed otherwise. Within a month of getting a job though, she moved out to live independently.

I guess, it is easier to be dependent on your parents vs.your married brother.

I would suggest that you only provide her your unconditional love and support. Let you DH, sit with her and help her in the job search. He needs to do it patiently, lovingly and by being supportive. If need be, spring for some courses in CC so that she can have more options. Ask friends around who can give her internships etc. She is lost and scared and she needs some serious support, but she will be ok in the end.

Op, you need to just be a pillar of strength and bite your tongue. Her situation will change one day, but what you don't want her to ever remember about her stay with you is that you were not supportive.

OP, is she being a good memeber of the household, preparing meals, being awake during the day and sleeping at night, cleaning up? I wouldn't charge rent because really what are you going to do if she doesn't pay? Ditto for food, what are you going to do if she doesn't "pay her share" tell her she can't eat the leftovers in the fridge, even if it means they'd have to be thrown out anyway? Make sure you and your husband are on the same page and that he (or you for that matter) aren't enabling bad behavior. At a minimum, she needs to have healthy sleep wake habbits. As for her getting out for a walk, that is hard to do this time of year and only works if you live in an area that's good for walking around. Do you have a treadmill or stationary bike she can ride? If you're charging her rent and then saying she "needs to excersize" she may legitimately be wondering how she'll pay for a safe place to do that.

I agree with 19:51 suggestions. We had a house guest who I loved and was very helpful, but after a couple of months lost complete motivation to get a job. The only thing that made her move was me getting pregnant and putting an end date because we needed the room.

I highly suggest making some sort of terms (agreed upon first with your husband) that she get an internship in something that she is interested in pursuing- even if it is unpaid at least she gets out of the house. And then encourage her to get a part time job where she has some income and is socializing with others.

If you and your husband don't need rent, you could agree upon a rent to charge her, but just save it and when she moved out you can give it back to her- just don't tell her this is your plan. It would be a nice little best egg for down payment on an apartment.

OP, I think you need to decide whether her presence is a burden to you or not.
I don't think she adds much to your utility costs, right? What about her food?
Is it "worth" it to have her help out for these extra costs? If yes, I would leave her alone and let your DH figure out how and if he could help her.
If not, I would think about either increasing her contribution or getting her on her own feet.

OP - It is important that you and your husband are on the same page with SIL so talk to him first and mention general ideas here. Then start a conversation with SIL that for her benefit how is she feeling and where does she see herself heading? Then maybe do a paper and pencil exercise of what her goals are and what would be steps to get there. Important ideas are though:

- Physical with a doctor if she has not been to one in a year or two to rule out any health condition which could mimic depression.

- Women's Center in NOVA might be an excellent resource for a counselor to evaluate her or even see her on a sliding fee scale. They may also do counseling specifically job related. If her folks are still alive, she could actually be on their health policy, and you might ask them about doing so, especially if psychological counseling is going to involved through age 26. And then even if married, with COBRA till age 29. **This would be the best gift they could give her now rather than money in the future.

- Or can DH navigate the Obamacare web site to see if she can qualify for a lowcost health insurance plan.\ as this si key to help her avoid debt.

- Setting up a daily routine is also key to start to get herself together and up and out and I would aim for a goal of the morning whether for physical fitness - maybe as a gift to help her get started a short-term membership in a gym.

- Secondly would be to get her up and out to volunteer in a nonprofit related where she might use skills she has learned and/or pursue some area she might be thinking about.

- Starting with those two ideas along with some counseling for a time period would be a start. Then I agree that at her age she could do very well as even an evening or weekend sitter to build earn money to build up an emergency fund, a deposit for her own apartment in the future or for tuition to go back for specific training in a job field. It would also help to get her a current resume at least of character, responsibleness etc.

It is a hard age especially if she was fired and her self-esteem shot down, but you are right it is too easy to get off the merry-go-round of life a times.

Anonymous wrote:Sorry pressed submit before I was done, she does talk to me sometimes usually in tears about how she's a burden on us and she doesn't want to live this way anymore. It breaks my heart. I want to tell her with my husband that we need her to work, but I don't want to hurt her in anyway or make her feel unwelcome. As I said before, she is more than welcome here.

I wanted some advice on how to say get up and get a job tactfully and so she knows she's welcome here and our casa is her casa.

I just think she is depressed maybe. And want to go lightly with this situation.

I think you are ahead of the game in the sense your SIL is conscious of your generosity and doesn't want to take advantage and has expressed that to you and she is helping around the house. Not that I have any experience because my sibling situation has too drama to have a rational conversation but I think the best approach is to ask her how she would handle it if the situation were reversed and you both lost your job when she was working and there was enough room to come to live with her. The first month we are sending out resumes like crazy and getting a few interview and then it slows down and then you see that we don't seem as happy and don't leave the house as much but don't know exactly why and don't want to take a mistep as to making an assumption or making the greatest brother and sister and law feel anything other than completely welcome. WWYD. You can even sprinkle some humor like say your favorite brother (assuming he is the only brother) or something else to help diffuse the situation. I think it is important that your SIL is central in coming up with ideas because only she knows what is going on in her mind or has to take the time to figure it out if she doesn't, and I would think it would be good for her to feel a sense of control when there are so many things out of her control. I normally would say for your husband to handle conversations with his family but in this case I think it is important for your SIL to know that you consider her to be like your sister and you and DH are united in welcoming her to your home.

Good luck.

What kind of job is she looking for? What field?