Reply to Anyone figured out a way to be happy in a loveless marriage or is it always utterly miserable?

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Reply to "Anyone figured out a way to be happy in a loveless marriage or is it always utterly miserable?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I wonder the same thing, how to endure a loveless marriage.  I try to love my spouse, warts and all, but it's really hard to get nothing in return, and it drains my energy and puts a damper on my potential for a happy life.  I've brainstormed what are the options:
1. divorce-sucks for the kids, costs money, and there's no guarantee you'll have it any easier
2. celibacy or taking care of your own needs-not terribly exciting, not everyone would be happy with that
3. affairs-how can you live with yourself if you have the affair (see option 4 instead), if you find out spouse is having one, see option 1.
4. open marriage-how do you pull that off with kids, and would you get jealous of spouse hooking up?
5. pursue other forms of happiness-hobbies, friendships, travel, volunteering, spirituality, etc.
6. wait for spouse to die a natural death, and then find new spouse if there is time-might have to wait a long time, only to be too old to find a new spouse, would feel heartless if you chose this option, kids would be upset
7. rekindling feelings for spouse-how to make that happen? bungie jumping together? maybe rekindling isn't possible
8. agree to be civil, try to have greater understanding for spouse as a fellow human being and parent of your kids
9. change your attitude-expecting life long love from your spouse might be unrealistic after the love hormones wear off, look on the bright side of what works in your marriage
10. focus on other forms of love-your kids, pets, family, friends, spirituality, volunteering, other partners if you choose open marriage

The noblest options are celibacy, friendships, or open marriage depending on your libido, combined with pursuing happiness through hobbies, trying to be civil, forgiving, and understanding, and change your attitude, focus on other forms of love.[/quote]

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