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[quote=Anonymous]You can't justify it.

Whatever you want to say about your mother, by avoiding the conversation with her and dragging your entire extended family into the situation is about as drama filled and passive aggressive an act as I can imagine.

So what do you do? You tell her beforehand. PPs have offered some excellent notes you can send. Then, if you choose, you go to the wedding. It's not hard to avoid someone with 200 people around. Chat wiht her politely about the weather, or chat with aunt Mavis, make a bee line for the dessert table - do what you have to do I a polite manner to not ruin the wedding.

Just because you're going to a wedding doesn't mean she has to be a part of your child's life. If she knows about your marriage and child - so what? Get unhooked off the drama of the "dirty secret" and understand that if she knows, it changes nothing. If she says something awful to you, it changes nothing. You just continue to live your life the way you have chosen.

You also may want to look a little into your own intentions and maybe consider talking to someone about it. I have not had contact with my mother for over 29 years, but I don't go out of my way to shame her in front of family or hide my ofe from her. She's just not a part of my life. When I run into her at family functions, I greet her, smile warmly, and walk away. The rest of my family knows what she's about without anyone having to go out of their way to say so.. Why rub salt into a wound and make a palatable situation miserable for all involved?

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