Reply to Around what age should children be told about the suicide of a grandparent?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Around what age should children be told about the suicide of a grandparent?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My uncle killed himself when I was very young. 8 maybe? I knew about it. I also recommend telling. Suicide is the result of an illness, and shouldn't be something to be ashamed of.[/quote]

+1.   I favor being open about this, even though your father feels differently.  OP, if there is anyone you "owe" privacy to, it was your mother while she was alive.  But, you do not owe that same privacy to your dad about his wife's illness/suicide.  Your mom's suicide and it's effects are equally the story of all those loved ones around her.  When someone ill demands we not speak about these issues, we often defer to them in the hopes that agreeing to keep their secret will at least encourage them to come out and speak to some key family members or health professionals when they really do need help.  I'm not sure that's the right approach, but I am sure that it is what motivates many family members to keep the secret.

When the ill/suicidal person is gone, there is, IMO, absolutely no reason to keep the secret.  Doing so only sends the message to others -- children in particular -- that there is something shameful about suicide and/or being depressed enough to consider suicide.  At that point, speaking about the suicide both helps remaining family members deal and can be part of a suicide prevention/education efforts for the rest of the family.  [/quote]

This is 17:07.  I agree with the PPs.  You owed your mother privacy but it is unhealthy to keep her suicide secret.  Doing so teaches your children that her death and mental illness are shameful.  They are not.  The stigma regarding mental illness and suicide prevent people from getting the treatment they need.  We need to remove the barriers and the only way to do it is to shine a non-judgmental light on it.  Actions speak louder than words.  If you suppress the truth, your kids will infer there's a reason for it - and it probably won't be the reason you want it to be.

By the time I met DH, my father and two brothers were dead.  However, my kids were old enough to know my ILs prior to my ILs' death.  We didn't hide the reasons my ILs died, why would we hide the reasons for my father/brothers' death?  We talk about lifestyle choices that keep us healthy and ones that hurt our health.  That doesn't just include food and exercise, it also includes healthy and non-healthy thoughts.  It's important for kids to know they can reach out for support and assistance when they need help maintaining a healthy life.  It's even more so in families where there's a history of depression.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics