Reply to Around what age should children be told about the suicide of a grandparent?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP. My mother hanged herself when my kids were under 5. At the time I could not begin to imagine how to tell them what had happened, so I lied. I also deferred to my father's wishes not to share this information with anyone outside our family. He is still living, and I will respect his wishes during his lifetime.

I am not ashamed of what my mother did, but it is a burden for me in the sense that I think of it often, and it is always painful. It's the pain that I wish I could spare my children and the wondering whether this is what lies in their future, but perhaps they will not be affected as I have been. I know I have to tell them eventually, but they have not shown any curiosity about the subject so far. I may need to be the one to broach the issue and haven't decided when to do it.

I appreciate the thoughts of those of you who have dealt with this firsthand.[/quote]

Im not trying to be rude, but seems like you need help with this situation, not your children. Your children dont know her and will be fine. As far as respecting your fathers wishes, thats on you, but i wouldnt lie about it.[/quote]

OP, I agree with PP and my mother finally killed herself in her third attempt. Her first was when I was a toddler, the second was when I was in high school and she died from suicide when I was 30 with two kids under 3. I would say since I was about 10 or 11 my mom was very open about her depression and wanted her daughters to watch for it-- it is completely genetic in our family and two of my sisters suffer from it. I remember exactly where we were when she told me. It was that shocking to me.

When did this happen? I have always been open with my kids about how my mom died. When they were little it was more along the lines of she was so sad here on Earth that she wanted to be with God. They are older now (oldest in 8th grade) and have known for years the specifics. I don't remember when we told them but it is something we have never hidden from them. My Dad, like yours, doesn't want anyone to know which is fine for him and they did hide her depression from us kids for years. I won't do that to my kids. Mental illness isn't something to hide or be ashamed of, that is what killed my Mom. God forbid one of my kids goes down that path. I don't want them to think they have to hide it or put on a smile when they are in so much pain.

Not sure if it helps you but I do think the longer you wait the more damage you are doing. [/quote]

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