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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. That's just it, I don't think there's any obligation. Spouse thinks that because relative got lots of family help (including from us), there should be.[/quote]

Wow why do people make things so difficult for themselves??  If your relative keeps saying "Wow, you really have your hands full!" and has babysat a bit before, and this is bothering your husband THAT much and you're also "disappointed", stop grumbling and just ask the relative if they're willing to watch your kids more often!  Sounds very possible with all the comments you say they make that they're willing but want you to ask for it.  Maybe they don't feel comfy offering, you never know what it is, but geez be grown ups and have a conversation about it!!

Not a conversation that assumes an obligation, because let's be real clear, there isn't one.  But a conversation because your relative brings it up and you guys want it so badly.  Just talk about it.  WHy is that so hard these days for so many?[/quote]

I strongly disagree. Offering is not uncomfortable. If she wanted to do it, you would know. Asking her point olank like that puts her in a really bad position. She will feel like an asshole saying no, which sucks when she has sent you all of the signals saying no already. [/quote]

The point is that the relative keeps talking about how overwhelmed they must be, it's bothering both of them (DH more than her she says), and it's the way to resolve it.  Either the relative will jump at the chance, or say no, and at least it's done and over and they know for sure.  The bottom line is, not saying anything clearly isn't working for either of them, so say something and get it over with, and move on.  Ask for what you want, see how it goes, and if it doesn't work, ok, move on.[/quote]

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