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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]My husband has a habit of assuming negative intent in pretty much whatever anyone says.[/b] I am at a loss in trying to communicate with him. Here is today's example: he has an old friend coming into town for a brief visit. Husband spent all of Saturday laying in bed not feeling well, so I spent the day taking care of our 4 kids (ages 8 and under) despite not feeling awesome myself and having gotten not much sleep. So when husband sent me a text from store proposing we take the entire family out for pizza with his friend, it occurred to me he might be suggesting this so he wasn't ditching me with the kids again tonight.

I responded with this: "would you prefer to try to do adults only?" He gets mad at me. He assumes this is intended to mean that I don't want to go, take the kids, see his friend, whatever; that I'm somehow opposed to his plan and telling him it's a bad idea. I attempt to tell him that if I had a good friend I hadn't seen in years, I'd probably prefer to catch up with the friend one on one instead of over pizza with a 2, 4, 6 and 8 year old. His go-to response in pretty muh every one of these exchanges: "it didn't come across that way".

Well how the hell should I have said this so as not to offend? [b] I am EXHAUSTED by his propensity to assume ill intent in everything I say.[/b] Seriously, I could say "thanks for making coffee" and he'd find a way to be offended by it.

Please help me figure out how to communicate with this person. [/quote]

I can relate. My father is like that. He assumes negative intent, goes off on a tirade if someone tries to do him a kindness (went off at my Mum last night because she asked him what he would prefer for dinner), is always talking about other people in derogatory terms, assumes a hidden intent in pretty much everything my Mum and I say. If it were up to me, he'd have been out of the house decades ago. It IS an exhausting way to live, and to me it's a deal breaked in a relationship. I watch out for such patterns very carefully when I get to know a male, even long before dating is a possibility. That's not what I want in a partner. Who would.

Not very helpful, probably, but you have my sympathy. I'd get out if I were you.[/quote]

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