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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]   OP, I'm sorry to hear that and he is lucky that you care so much about him. That said, only share your opinion of he asks. If you really feel you must warn him, then maybe say "Do you want me to tell you what I think about your future wife?" If he has "no" then don't say it. He's an adult.

My SILs warned DH about me many years ago. They both have narcissistic traits and they liked to control everything. (Not saying this is you OP at all, just sharing a story).  I distanced myself from them once I saw that all they want to do is gossip and create drama. This infuriated them, so they warned DH that I didn't value family, blah blah. It is now 15 years later. DH and I are still happily married and with kids now. His sisters have a few divorces under their belts and they have stopped talking to eachother. Luckily back in the day, DH didn't heed their warnings. Again, this isn't you OP, but just showing an example where the guy was glad he didn't heed the warnings.[/quote]

OP here. It's so easy to twist everything. I have heard her say such things about our family (about "gossip and drama"), and I am afraid that that's how he'll take my sincere concern. It's why I backed off in the early days of their relationship when he pulled away from me. Because I would never want to get in the middle of a couple. But the more I read about NPD, the more I see how the spouse and children are victims of abuse, and it's harder and harder for me to be silent about it all. But I guess what I'm afraid is how it will be perceived and twisted. [/quote]

That's why to focus on him, his reality, what you see, the change in him over time. Remind him who he used to be. You can't fight crazy on crazy's turf so stay on your own turf, the loving sibling. What do the books you're reading about NPD say?[/quote]

I guess I've been looking more at the characteristics of NPD and the effects on "victims." I'll look for guidance for siblings/friends.[/quote]

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