Reply to Dating Newly Sober Alcoholic(?)

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Dating Newly Sober Alcoholic(?)"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I hope I haven't given the impression I'm not taking it seriously. As I said, I don't know anyone in recovery (or, I may and just don't know it) so I don't know how all this works. I did not know that you aren't supposed to be making other changes in your life at the same time. Or waiting a year for things. But the info I've learned here is giving me a new perspective on this that I haven't considered.

And I don't want it to sound like I'm making excuses for him, [b]but he's not trying to be a "new" person, but I guess try to improve? [/b]He just said he feels like we are taking a big step, so we should do it right, and that's why he's wanting to get a better job to be in a better place financially (to sell my house and buy a new one, have $$ for the wedding and then having kids), participating more in church, distancing some questionable friends, etc.

The only part he's doing a complete 180 is the drinking.[/quote]

OP, an alcoholic will tell you anything they think you want to hear. When I see someone trying to change that many things at once, all my spidey senses say is "what are they running from?"

Yes, changing jobs may make sense. But changing jobs, getting new friends, moving, getting married.. All in quick succession to quitting drinking is just a big red flag. It IS someone trying to be a new person, hoping that will cure them of the problems that make them drink. But the truth is, they rarely do. It also puts you I a bad position, because he's giving up church, friends, etc. to have a future. Later on, if the drinking returns, this can turn into "you made me..." Or "I did this for you".

Personally, I'd put aside any big plans for a year. Let him recover enough that his sobriety does not count on you not drinking. That, in itself is enough reason to give the relationship pause, because you have to be clear on whether you will drink again, and he has to respect and understand YOUR decision. Leaving it open and then needing to hash it out if you come home after a beer with friends is not a smart thing to do. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics