Reply to Dating Newly Sober Alcoholic(?)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I hope I haven't given the impression I'm not taking it seriously. As I said, I don't know anyone in recovery (or, I may and just don't know it) so I don't know how all this works. I did not know that you aren't supposed to be making other changes in your life at the same time. Or waiting a year for things. But the info I've learned here is giving me a new perspective on this that I haven't considered.

And I don't want it to sound like I'm making excuses for him, but he's not trying to be a "new" person, but I guess try to improve? He just said he feels like we are taking a big step, so we should do it right, and that's why he's wanting to get a better job to be in a better place financially (to sell my house and buy a new one, have $$ for the wedding and then having kids), participating more in church, distancing some questionable friends, etc.

The only part he's doing a complete 180 is the drinking.[/quote]

I guess the reason this bothers me is because he's not making these changes due to some internal, self-motivated decision to make these changes because it would improve his life overall, he's tying it to getting married. This raises two concerns. First, is he really committed to these changes, or are they things that he just feels like he "should" do? How will you both feel if he backslides on those changes and continues to be exactly the person he was before he started making these changes (including quitting drinking)? Second, if he's still unhappy after or because of these changes, how likely is he to blame you/the marriage for that unhappiness?[/quote]

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