Reply to Advice - Friends trying to discipline my ASD child

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[quote=Anonymous]I would approach it differently.  I'd say I appreciate that they are trying to help but you prefer to discipline your child according to the plan you have worked out with the various therapists your daughter is involved with.  You can say it's counterproductive when others who don't know her situation and how she best learns to correct her behavior get involved.  You can even give an example of a harsh reprimand or even a scolding that has ANY emotion in it sometimes reinforces the negative behavior of a sensitive child, making it more likely to happen in the future (see books by Alan Kazdin, they are great).  And that ever since you learned that lesson from the therapists, you prefer that your kids not be disciplined by other parents but that the parents go to you instead so that you can follow through according to plan.  You can also say that you are careful not to discipline other people's children for that reason even though sometimes you want to.  That shows that you appreciate their desire to be helpful but it kind of shuts the door on them nosing in in the future.  You could even write it in an email rather than confront her face to face.  If it's kind, she will be more likely to understand and maybe she'll even learn that she doesn't have all the answers.  My child did pair up with another kid and throw another girl's sweater in a toilet once, at around age 8-9.  We laugh every time that Wheezer song comes on, "Do you want to destroy my sweater?!"  We did have our child apologize and pay for it out of his gift from his great-grandmother.  But he admitted it after initially lying so it wasn't an ambiguous situation.  I wouldn't sweat it too much, OP.  Sometimes I think it's good for kids to get boundaries from other parents.  The main reason I suggest speaking up is to teach this couple some new concepts so they stop thinking they're so awesome and have the right to correct everyone.[/quote]

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