Reply to Cousin against assisted living arrangements, but wants my help

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Also, maybe this would help with your guilt-- your aunt is choosing this situation, right?  If she is of mostly sound mind, she is making her own decision that staying home is worth the risks and burdens.  It's not like you are making her live there.  And it is not your responsibility to enable her decisions no matter how unwise.

It may take a fall or serious home maintenance issue for her to change her mind.  Honestly, it is really common for the older person to be in denial until life provides them a reality check or changes their circumstances.  It's sad, but that's often how it works.  Millions of caregivers are in this situation and have not been able to figure out a solution.  So forgive yourself.  You are not alone.[/quote]

I think this plus a combination of limit-setting and prayer.  Seriously, you don't have the power to change things in terms of getting her into assisted living, but you do have the power to change things through natural consequences.  Tell aunt and cousin that you can run errands for aunt x times per month.  That you will do x on y date.  Use the PP's language of: "I can't.  Would you like to do it or hire someone?"

Sometimes aging just isn't pretty, and sometimes it takes a crisis rather than rational thought for something to work out.  Prepare yourself for the crisis, talk with Aging Services in her county, but you may have to back off a bit rather than keeping pushing to be effective.

And your aunt may never make it to assisted living--she may just cobble along until a nursing home is the only option.  It may be worth it to her to risk earlier death than leave her home, and at some level, so long as you aren't completely bearing the consequences, that is up to her.[/quote]

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