Reply to Cousin against assisted living arrangements, but wants my help

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op again.

[b]I may have no power in the situation, but I refuse to be painted as an evil curmudgeon who doesn't want to help out when I was the one who was willing to foot the bill BECAUSE of the mere fact that I am not available.[/b]

Cousin says that I am trying to pawn off our aunt onto someone else. Honestly, I am. I cannot keep going to VA to go grocery shopping (cousin and aunt don't want to sign up for delivery), run around town paying bills for aunt, fixing problems in the house (leaking pipe etc), waiting with aunt at house for service repairs, driving aunt around town to get to appointment.

Basically my cousin thinks that family does not outsource eldercare. [/quote]

No power includes no power to force them to change how they see you. I think your position is very, very reasonable (not even outsourcing groceries is insane) and generous. I would figure out for yourself exactly where your limits are (e.g., how often are you willing to travel to your aunt to help with things -- maybe once or twice a month to help out with projects about the house and running errands), and communicate to your cousin exactly what you can provide. Cousin can take you up on what she likes, and handle the rest herself. At the end of the day, you need to find a way to accept that you're doing the right thing even when they're pressuring you for more.[/quote]

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