Reply to Same old story. I resent intrusive mil for messing with my marriage.

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Same old story. I resent intrusive mil for messing with my marriage. "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b][u]THis is a DH problem, not MIL. Bottom line[/u][/b].[/quote]

Agreed. Your DH needs to break this impasse.

I have a great relationship with my MIL, but in the beginning she tried to run my life and for many things I let her get her way. Then she started to became more and more abrasive and would be very nice to me in front of my DH  but abusive when he was not there. I felt as if I was losing my mind.

Eventually, I told DH and his reaction was shocking and in many ways liberating (cause he is the most logical person I have met in my life).    My DH told both of us that he will not interfere in our relationship since both (MIL and I) are adults and should be able to accept the consequence of our behaviour with each other.   At that point I told her (in front of DH), that I do not want any relationship with her because I cannot take her behavior. My DH told her that he cannot make me do anything that I do not want to do, so he will respect whatever I decide.  She had not anticipated this at all.

Things changed from that day and eventually MIL and I had an opportunity to have a long heart to heart, draw the boundaries and clear the air. She is a nice person and I am a also a nice person.  BUT, when we were in the "MIL-DIL" relationship - we became the worst people possible.  Once we were able to break the mold, things became very pleasant. Over these two decades we have had each other's back and we are very comfortable with each other. Both of us are very different people but we have accepted each other, are sensitive to each other's needs and we have not changed our personality to appease the other.

When our relatives and friends comment on how well we get along - I thank my DH in my heart.  If he would have insisted that I listen to his mom or if he had tried to mediate each and every infraction and tried to assign blame - the outcome would have been very different. Knowing that my DH had no expectation that I will have a relationship with ILs, I was actually able to define it the way I wanted to and not try and fit into a pre made mold.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics