Reply to Brother proactively told me that my kids are not his favorite nieces

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Reply to "Brother proactively told me that my kids are not his favorite nieces - do I need to change anything?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As long as your brother isn't demonstrating his favoritism to the kids, there's nothing for you to shield them from, and until he actually does something, you shouldn't assume he will. Otherwise, it starts to sound an awful lot like withholding your kids as a tool to punish him.[/quote]

Well him vocalizing it to me just has me worried he'll vocalize it to them. I could just take a "wait & see" approach, which is what I'm leaning towards, but on the other hand, once he says it he can't take it back and at that point, I will have wished I hadn't even given him the chance to repeat it to them at all. In practical terms though, there's probably not much to do - I'm not going to avoid family holidays because of this and that's the only time he sees them. I was just wondering do I need to supervise his interactions with them now so I can cutoff any conversation that starts to go down that path? Normally my husband and I go out on a date when visiting my parents but if my brother's crashing with my parents at the same time we are, then do we not go out since my parents aren't going to cut my brother off if he starts up with this or some other inappropriate conversation? I don't want to expose my kids to some insulting, inconsiderate comments or one of his angry rants, which can be kind of scary, but I also know that in his eyes, none of what he says is particularly serious so I know he doesn't mean to cause harm, at least not directly. I'm not worried that he would intentionally hurt their feelings or freak them out, but there's a decent chance he'd do it out of carelessness. My husband doesn't have the stomach for my brother's insults, because he can't just dismiss it with "oh, he doesn't mean it" and I think anyone who didn't grow up with the guy would have a similar reaction. [/quote]

There's a difference between insulting, inappropriate, inconsiderate comments and your brother saying that your daughters are not his favorite nieces.  Sooner or later your daughters are going to be put in a position where, either by subtle or overt circumstances, they are not the favorite of a family member, friend, teacher, boy, or whomever.  You can't protect them from that.  That is not an insult.  It's a reality.  It's life.  Teach them that they don't need to always be the favorite and you will do them a valuable lesson.

Now if your brother is actually INSULTING them -- calling them stupid, worthless, ugly -- whatever -- that's another question.  You should absolutely call him out.  But the fact that he doesn't consider them is favorite little lovey dovies is hardly a reason for you and hubby to avoid date night.  Get real.[/quote]

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