Anonymous wrote:

There's a difference between insulting, inappropriate, inconsiderate comments and your brother saying that your daughters are not his favorite nieces. Sooner or later your daughters are going to be put in a position where, either by subtle or overt circumstances, they are not the favorite of a family member, friend, teacher, boy, or whomever. You can't protect them from that. That is not an insult. It's a reality. It's life. Teach them that they don't need to always be the favorite and you will do them a valuable lesson.

Now if your brother is actually INSULTING them -- calling them stupid, worthless, ugly -- whatever -- that's another question. You should absolutely call him out. But the fact that he doesn't consider them is favorite little lovey dovies is hardly a reason for you and hubby to avoid date night. Get real.

Anonymous wrote:Okay, cut your brother off. Refuse to see him again. That's clearly what you want, but I strongly respect it's really due to your own hurt about not being the favorite than out of a need to protect your kids.

Anonymous wrote:He may be just young and stupid. Before acting on it, explain to him that he hurt your feelings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure how old your girls are but if they are over 4 and he is showing subtle favoritism, they're likely to notice. He's vindictive enough to say it to get to you(let's be real, he knew you would be hurt by this), he's likely to try to get to you again. He knows you're protective over your kids and it's a sensitive matter for you so he knows it's a button. I would not leave my kids unattended there. Your parents may not be as way of his actions or intentions and less likely to pick up on any passive aggressiveness. I wouldn't even bring it up, you'll end up being labeled as overly protective and sensitive. Limit the opportunity he has to say anything vindictive to them. If he notices you monitoring his interactions and says anything I'd just say you wanted make sure he didn't was go out of his way to make it known to them that they "aren't his favorite". Maybe then he'd feel like an immature jerk realizing that he forced you to have to be productive of your kids around him. Most likely he won't be that close to realization and will probably exhibit more immature negative attention seeking behavior for a few more years. But whatever you do, don't leave your kids there to be apart of his childish game, it is not fair to them. Good luck!

It sounds like he's a grade-A grudge holder who's still in a snit about the dog. I wouldn't leave my kids alone with him. He sounds immature and bratty and willing and ready to say mean things to make his point.

I would also ignore the trolly OP basher who posted on here a couple of times - that person/type who shows up on every thread offering contrarian, stupid advice about how it's all your fault and all of your instincts and reactions are wrong.

Anonymous wrote:Not sure how old your girls are but if they are over 4 and he is showing subtle favoritism, they're likely to notice. He's vindictive enough to say it to get to you(let's be real, he knew you would be hurt by this), he's likely to try to get to you again. He knows you're protective over your kids and it's a sensitive matter for you so he knows it's a button. I would not leave my kids unattended there. Your parents may not be as way of his actions or intentions and less likely to pick up on any passive aggressiveness. I wouldn't even bring it up, you'll end up being labeled as overly protective and sensitive. Limit the opportunity he has to say anything vindictive to them. If he notices you monitoring his interactions and says anything I'd just say you wanted make sure he didn't was go out of his way to make it known to them that they "aren't his favorite". Maybe then he'd feel like an immature jerk realizing that he forced you to have to be productive of your kids around him. Most likely he won't be that close to realization and will probably exhibit more immature negative attention seeking behavior for a few more years. But whatever you do, don't leave your kids there to be apart of his childish game, it is not fair to them. Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as your brother isn't demonstrating his favoritism to the kids, there's nothing for you to shield them from, and until he actually does something, you shouldn't assume he will. Otherwise, it starts to sound an awful lot like withholding your kids as a tool to punish him.

Well him vocalizing it to me just has me worried he'll vocalize it to them. I could just take a "wait & see" approach, which is what I'm leaning towards, but on the other hand, once he says it he can't take it back and at that point, I will have wished I hadn't even given him the chance to repeat it to them at all. In practical terms though, there's probably not much to do - I'm not going to avoid family holidays because of this and that's the only time he sees them. I was just wondering do I need to supervise his interactions with them now so I can cutoff any conversation that starts to go down that path? Normally my husband and I go out on a date when visiting my parents but if my brother's crashing with my parents at the same time we are, then do we not go out since my parents aren't going to cut my brother off if he starts up with this or some other inappropriate conversation? I don't want to expose my kids to some insulting, inconsiderate comments or one of his angry rants, which can be kind of scary, but I also know that in his eyes, none of what he says is particularly serious so I know he doesn't mean to cause harm, at least not directly. I'm not worried that he would intentionally hurt their feelings or freak them out, but there's a decent chance he'd do it out of carelessness. My husband doesn't have the stomach for my brother's insults, because he can't just dismiss it with "oh, he doesn't mean it" and I think anyone who didn't grow up with the guy would have a similar reaction.