Reply to I hate my sister in law

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I really feel for you.  I feel this way about my adult stepdaughter.  Half the time I'm furious that she hasn't bothered to try to have a relationship with her baby brother.  And then when she claims she wants to spend time with him, I have to bottle up this feeling of rage and frustration because the truth is that I don't want her to have any kind of influence on him, from her smoking now and hurting his little lungs to infecting him with her entitlement, racism, and bad attitude when he is older.

I too, pray about it.  And occasionally confess here what I can't say in real life.[/quote]

Great point, PP.  Its almost as if you are tormenting yourself... going back and forth between the two extreme opposite ends of feeling towards someone.  It can be tough, OP, but it'll get better.  You just have to make the decision to focus on what really matters.[/quote]

[b]Slacker in laws are the worst.[/b]  Its so hurtful because it would be so wonderful if she were, actually, a fun SIL and super-auntie, right?  Well, since this is most likely not ever going to happen, you should save yourself the energy and shift it to something else.

Good luck, OP! [/quote]

What?  other people don't exist simply to fulfill your vision of a wonderful life.  Just because an inlaw doesn't want to be actively engaged with you or your children doesn't make him/her a slacker.  Perhaps it means they have their own interests, their own lives, and they don't have the same vision of what happiness is.  Maybe being a "super auntie" isn't their idea of a fun/happy life.

I think people need to understand that when they have children, it is a choice that they are making.  Don't suddenly expect everyone else in the world to drop their own interests, likes/dislikes, et cetera, to fulfill your idea of the perfect family.  If they aren't interested, then the aren't interested.  I agree with the let-it-go PP.

As for the smoking thing, just say you don't want her hold the baby after she smokes.  If she isn't coming around a lot, it shouldn't be a huge deal.  You mention that she is "trashy" and it sounds like you are judgmental.  Maybe she's not Ms. Brady and doesn't want to be.  Again, if she doesn't come around a lot, what's the problem?  You obviously don't like her.

So what, your husband might take the baby to see her while meeting for brunch.  Is that really a big deal?  I can't imagine she's going to hold the baby much while eating brunch.  It sounds like a very limited outing.  Do you really pushback with your husband on what seems a pretty easy ask?  It sounds like he's not even asking you to be there.  And again, it doesn't sound like the sort of context where this "trashy" person can spend much time holding or interacting with your daughter.

OP, I think, given the details you provided, that you are being unreasonable.

To PP, I think it's sort of ridiculous to call someone a "slacker" because they don't want to be a "super auntie" to a child you decided to have.  [/quote]

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