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[quote=Anonymous][quote]I am not OP. I was not trying to say that my understanding is complete. My similiar experience being that of an only child of a father with addiction disorders and either NPD or BPD. Luckily my parents were divorced so that I was not subjected to his vagaries on a daily basis. My father was in my life until he died, but even in my teens I came to realize that I could not allow myself to be manipulated by him or to enable his dysfunction. I also a grandchild of addiction and I see what the enabling of one grandparent did to the children of that family. These are now grown folks in their 60's and 70's and you can clearly see the negative effects of that behaviour. What I am saying, as a person who has dealt with this mess for most of my life, is that your DD is seeing what you do, and that is a much larger impact than you saying ANYTHING. Remember, your dd is just a kid, she does not yet have the maturity and/or emotional landscape, experience, or management to discern what you are asking her to discern. It is confusing, what she needs is an adult to be the buffer, the block, period. Everyone is different, but I cannot allow myself to be held hostage to crazy. What ends up happening is that you do more damage to yourself than trying to outwit the nutball. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I would just encourage you to re-think your strategy, for yourself and for your kid.

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I think that a lot of people understand, but everyone has different boundaries and things they are not willing to tolerate. At some point, some folk decide that having a relationship with horrific dysfunction is not worth it;it is too soul crushing.I think it is harder for those raised in those circumstances it is harder to make those kinds of breaks, because they have been taught from early on to make those kinds of emotional compromises, to make accommodations and tolerate what others will not. Too a great degree, they have been taught to walk on eggshells. I hate that anyone would have to go thru this special type of hell. [/quote]

I just want to say you're spot on.  My father was violent alcoholic who had some sort of personality disorder.  It was very difficult for me to make the break that I did.  But, I did and am now unwilling to go along with any family drama and manipulation whether it's my own family or my DH's. I'm teaching my kids not to accomodate it either.  We are polite but have boundaries that we enforce.  It's been so freeing.[/quote]

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