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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here -- WOW, thank you so much for these very insightful responses that have helped confirm what my heart already knew.  I realize I am lucky to have a job with such flexibility and I hadn't thought before about how hard it would be to "prove myself" at a new job while requesting maternity leave.  Not to mention, most employers don't offer unpaid leave within the first year, so that could be problematic if I do get pregnant soon (been trying for a couple months already, fingers crossed!).

I think what I'm struggling with is the fact I am an attorney and many of my friends have been pursuin[b]g high powered careers over the last five years, while I've sort of been focusing on my personal life, getting married, buying and decorating a new (to me) home, planning for a family, etc.  Many of my friends in this area have decided to remain [i]child free by choice[/i] and are now on the partner track or even running for political office, starting nonprofits, SES training, etc. [/b] I do have friends who have opted for the family route, but most of them left for less expensive cities.  I find myself now feeling sort of left behind, especially as my husband finishes up his MBA while his career in the private sector is taking off.

I like the ideas about pursuing my passions outside of work and I imagine once I have little ones that will take up a lot of my time and energy!  Also, I should probably try to keep up with legal networking events, volunteer for detail assignments at work, etc. so I don't fall too behind professionally.

It seems like a lot of the responses are from women, I'm curious if any men have made the decision of taking a less stressful job to spend time with family?[/quote]

it looks like you don't want that. you want children + you want to be a hands on mom. therefore, you simply can't have a high powered career for a while, maybe never. [b]but if you were so ambitious and all that, you would not have spent your twenties "focusing on personal life, getting married, buying and decorating home, planning for a family"[/b] (not sure why any of these took so much time - but, regardless of the reasons, children are going to take infinitely more time while making you less and less interested in career).

i was a very ambitious woman and to some extent still am ([b]i would never spend twenties "decorating a home"[/b] though i did marry in my twenties). but having kids definitively changed that. one of the important things is, before, if i didn't accomplish anything professionally substantial in like a week or so, i would feel bad, like i am wasting my time. now, i don't have that kind of motivator anymore, because, even when i do nothing of significance at my work, i have still accomplished something. it's a great feeling, but also diminishes the drive to succeed profesionally.[/quote]

Well I didn't spend my 20s just decorating a home (I only bought in the past year), I just used that as an example of things I have been focusing on instead of career, somewhat by choice, somewhat not.  I graduated in 2009 during the recession, clerked for a year, and then felt lucky to land a government job while a lot of my classmates were un(or under)employed.  I kept applying for other jobs, but the legal market hasn't been so hot.  I was top 1/3 from a tier 1 law school, but not big law material, so I kind of focused on my personal life as a source of happiness.  I am thankful for the freedom I had in my 20s because it allowed me to get out there and meet my husband while a lot of my friends were too busy to date.  This has made me realize how much family life matters to me, so yes, you're correct that it probably seems clear I want to be a mom more than be a career woman.

Seeing my friends have high powered careers just makes me a little wistful of what could have been -- I am super happy for them though and know they worked hard for it.  Now that the job market is somewhat improving I have been toying with the idea of applying for some more challenging jobs, but feel like the timing just isn't right for me at this point in life.  I guess I just wanted to hear from some working parents who have had to make this decision to get some input on family/work balance.  I appreciate hearing both sides of the coin (focus on family now vs. the potential pitfalls of stalling your career early in life).  Thank you all for your responses! [/quote]

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