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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A few things:

1) Have your mother and MIL interact as little as possible.  That means MIL doesn't get to come over when your mom comes to visit, unless it's something like a child's birthday or celebrating a major holiday.  Just don't overlap.  If your mom lives far away, MIL can deal with not seeing you for a week while she visits.

2) You see your MIL more than once a week?  That's a lot.  I think it's totally ok to have her a bit less involved in your lives, particularly as the kids get older and busier.  Less interaction may actually help you deal with this better.  And, please, it's not punishing anyone to see them three times a month instead of six.  That's still a good deal of time.

3) [b]You can't fix this.[/b]  I think people often put really high expectations on IL relationships, when if we just hoped for friendly we'd all do a lot better.  Accept the reality you got, rather than the dream that you wanted.

4) I wonder if DH really did you any favors telling you some of the details of those conversations.  It's not like you and MIL are going to talk about it, so there's not much you can do other than try to drop it and move on.  And, frankly, your MIL is insane if she can't just shut up and be grateful that you guys live close by and that she gets to see the grandkids all the time thanks to her gracious DIL.  Sheesh.[/quote]
This PP has a lot of good advice, but I think what this boils down to is the bolded. I also wish my MIL and mother got along better than they do. My mother felt slighted when my MIL didn't invite her to my BIL's rehearsal dinner and asked if she would babysit our daughter during the dinner...it's been almost three years and my mother has been very chilly to my MIL ever since. I definitely understand my mom's feelings were hurt, but she's also one to keep a hurt and turn it into a grudge, and that's sad to me. But I also realize I can't make her want to go out to lunch with my MIL, so I don't press it. Trying to control another person's behavior is so frustrating, OP - don't get caught up in it.[/quote]

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