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[quote=Anonymous]

OP - I am a grandmother who does try to help out two daughters with young children in the DC area or down in our area if at all possible.  I would admit that in doing so, I did make the decision to put any responsible volunteering with a definite scheduled date on hold for the last couple of years because something always seemed to come up that  would preclude my making a long-term commitment.  It was and is my decision to do so.  At the same time, I have been urging one of our daughter's in NOVA to start to develop a network of college aged sitters as her children are 3.5 and 1.5, and so far she has failed to do so.  We can see that her young boy is a real handful right now and I would say if you added a third to the mix, I with retired DH might not be able to watch all three alone for a couple of years.  We are also very active in our sixties and have a daughter with a disability who lives with us and keeps us in an active schedule, too.

The point is that without knowing your Mom ,the extent of your young children's activity levels & behaviors as well as your approach to discipline etc., it may be in part that she could become overwhelmed and does not want to say so and risk insulting you and DH.  There were real points on child-rearing twin girls with our other daughter that we disagreed with, but tried to hold our opinions. Now at 5.5 we can say to them why are you screaming like a 3 year old in a car seat and they have the ability to understand more the obnoxious and dangerous behavior.  I can also see that as kids get older and behavior/routine becomes more expected that sitting for 2 or 3 is easier.  So it could be that there are real reasons beyond just her volunteer work why she does not feel able to lend a hand.

My overall suggestion to you as a Mom with soon three young children is to find a college-aged sitter to come on a regular basis to give you some relief a bit before your husband will be gone so she will know the routine.  You can advertise for a college sitter on Care.com in your area or I know that American University has a sitter list.  If you can develop a couple of reliable sitters, it will be good for you and your husband to be able to get out at times, too, just to enjoy time together.  The other suggestion would be an older age woman you might hear of through a church group who could use a little extra income and could handle it.
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