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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I grew up in a yelling household and I don't really mind it.  (?)  Shrug.  I am kind of a yeller too and don't really rein myself in, b/c I don't really feel I was that affected by it on the other end, when I was a child?

It bothers me MORE when people do NOT get their emotions out and just keep a situation bottled in.  I think it's better to deal with a situation, get over it, and move on.  It bothers me in my DH's family when everyone is passive-aggressive and never raises an issue directly.  But it's absolutely there, and everyone knows it, and for the life of me, I cannot figure out the dynamic where no one will do anything about it.   It REALLY makes me uncomfortable.  I feel like I walk around keeping my lips closed and I feel words just ready to spill out of my mouth, b/c I am soo unused to this dynamic.[/quote]

My DH is like you and I am like your DH, from a family that interacts more passive-aggressively. While suppressing your feelings is not great, what he doesn't get about his style is that "letting it out" is not all that healthy either. Research makes clear that the "pressure" model of emotions--release the valve, reduce the emotion--is not accurate. by letting the emotion wash over you you are reinforcing it.  Example, DH yells at other drivers a lot, and he does not see how it just makes him angrier to focus on giving in to the feeling.

I actually think that marriages like ours have the potential to be very healthy, as we can teach each other the value of a different approach to anger. I know DH's attitude has helped me deal more productively with my family's passive aggression. [/quote]

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