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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OK- OP one final time- I drafted a letter. I left out any hit of judgment and didnt call her out on anything but I hit the major points. Does this look good?

Dear "Katy",

I understand friendships come and go. I had genuinely hoped that my caring and ideas based on the experiences of others, as well my own, would be of help to you. I really cared and really tried. I can see you tried to be friends as well. And I appreciate that.

We may not ultimately be compatible as friends, but that doesn't mean I cannot see the good and bad in your situation. I understand you feel your challenges are unique, as do we all when we face the hardest of times. My biggest worry is that you are reaching a breaking point. Its something you have been saying yourself on and off for a few years now.

Based on my direct personal experience with my husband, seeking the help of a really good therapist and considering real treatment for depression and anxiety can turn a persons life around. Ive seen it too many times to dismiss. Its hard to admit that help is needed, but in your case, "Timmy" depends on you so completely that you truly cannot afford to break down.

"Timmy" deserves to see the best qualities his mom has to offer, and you also deserve to enjoy your own strengths and positive qualities. I believe you can build a better life for yourself like you have said you want to. But I think you need smart and savvy help from a professional who knows what they are doing. They are out there. Your job's insurance is the best place to begin.

Wishing you the best,

[/quote]

I would NEVER send a letter like this to anyone, certainly not to someone I thought was on the verge of some kind of breakdown. Wow, how would YOU feel receiving this letter? I don't understand the point of your urgency, either -- you want to dump her before she dumps you?

I also don't get what "push back" is. Seriously, what does that mean, or is it code for "she is clearly not liking me as much as she used to"? If she is interrupting you, hanging up on you and generally being not nice, she is probably expecting the friendship to end. I wouldn't write the letter. I would just not be warm or friendly if I spoke to her. If she asks why, say "I'm mad that you hung up on me -- I don't need that crap on my way to work" or whatever.

I haven't dealt with that kind of behavior in years and years. Seriously.[b] You might want to ask yourself why you are friends with someone like that in the first place.[/b][/quote]

Well, the truth is, I decided to give her a second chance. PP, if I was as messed up as she is, I _hope_ I would have sought help LONG AGO. I cant know how it would feel to be so disconnected from reality that a third party would even feel compelled to write a letter like that to me, and I hope I never do. However, I dont believe if my only problem was a potential nervous breakdown that this letter would push me over the edge.

YOu say you havent dealt with this behavior in years and years. Well Im 45 and I never have. I have no analog for this whatsoever. I thought it was a series of misunderstandings and misreads and now I can see she is just very distorted in her thinking.

"Push Back" is not code. Its a simple way of stating the complete and total rejection of any positive help, suggestions, or even possible POV ideas out there in the world generally. Push back happens when you suggest her POV might not be the only one at play.

You are right PP: I should just say I dont need that crap. But why would you think thats better to say to someone on the edge of a nervous breakdown than a letter addressing a history of exchanges anchored in some kind of potential mutual...understanding? Aaaaand as I write this I see there is no mutual understanding, which is your whole point.

Yeah, you're right.

I [/quote]

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