Reply to Obligated to have visits with not nice in-laws when there is a new baby?

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[quote=Anonymous]I get flamed on DCUM all the time for my attitude toward my MIL.  She lives 45 minutes away and we could see her much more often than we do if I planned our free time to include her.  I don't.  In the early years of our marriage, she was very manipulative and operated to make sure that the vast majority of holiday times and celebrations were with her at the expense of my family (also local).  One year, I had enough and told her off over the Thanksgiving table and told her from now on that I would be making my family's plans and that there would always be a place for her where ever we were for holidays, but that we would no longer make our holiday plans around her to the exclusion of my family.

I make plans for holidays.  Thanksgiving, Christmas, and birthdays.  That's it.  If my husband wants to see her more, he is welcome to make plans to do so.  Maybe twice a year he gets a wild hair and makes plans to take her to breakfast with our daughter.  If it isn't important enough to him to make time to see her and have a relationship with her, why should it be important to me?  I don't expect him to make plans with my family or to maintain my relationship with them.  Why should I be expected to make plans with his mother or to maintain his relationship with her.  [/quote]

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