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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I gave to say, YOU sound a bit selfish. He's sober now. This is the time to rebuild, not focus on past issues.[/quote]

OP here. I realize I didn't explain this very well but obviously from other responses there are plenty of people who understand what it is like.  Here is just one of many examples: he has turned his energies to the gym, which is great - he has a release, he is staying in shape, etc.  we have 2 kids including one with special needs and intense jobs, and always agreed to split the work 50/50 (including when I made a big career leap recently only after he encouraged me to) but I've bent over backwards to make sure he gets that gym time. Except, he doesn't get his share of family stuff done, and I am giving up my own gym/friend/personal time to do his stuff and make space for him.  For a year, even 4 or 5 while he gets a handle on staying sober, fine, but I'm looking ahead 10 years and thinking I don't want to spend the rest of my days with someone who always puts his own needs first, before kids or me.  That's kind of what I'm asking here - is there any hope of going back to a more equal partnership or do I have 3 kids for the duration?

As far as 12 step, he did a different type of program.  I don't really know how it lines up with 12 step.  I guess I just thought looking at your relationships would be a natural part of any recovery program, but maybe not...

K[/quote]

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