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[quote=Anonymous]OP,

There is a thin line here but I think in the end fixing an unhealthy environment wins.  Understandably everyone is being ridiculous because you lost a loved one and the feelings are spilling over left and right.

I would apologize to your dad for not asking him first.  I would say to him that you are sorry if changing the sponges and getting a new dishwasher caused him any hard feelings.  Yes it's ridiculous, but he is grieving so cut him some slack.

Secondly, when people are calm (maybe after you apologize) explain that in order to help him out and be there for him,you need to be able to make sure the house is a healthy place.  Maybe you can brain storm together what needs to happen.  Perhaps he is worried you will clean a special room or take away things that are important to him and needs reassurance.

I assume this is just a cleanliness issue vs a hoarding issue correct?  Agree to a cleaning plan with him. And if he is disagreeable, unwilling to budge, I would draw the line.  Health matters, you have to protect your family too.  Let him know you are willing to help out again when he is willing to be reasonable about cleaning up the mess.

Lastly, others have chimed in, but this sounds like an impossible long term arrangement so I would suggest you set a deadline (AND STICK TO IT) for him to get house-help, a therapist, or to move to assisted living or whatever it is you think he needs.  He will surely refuse all of this and it would be helpful to get your sister on board too but this arrangement cannot work long term.[/quote]

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