Reply to I barked at my mom. I feel terrible.

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Reply to "I barked at my mom. I feel terrible."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Geez, the mother is not doing this to annoy her daughter.  She thinks she is helping.  No need to snap at someone who thinks that they are helping you.  Man, how were some of y'all raised?[/quote]

Really?  After years of being told not to, how does the mom still think she's being helpful?  Mom can be a big girl and say, "So, DD, I understand you don't want me to re-arrange things, but is there some other way I could be of use?  I'd love to keep my hands busy when I'm over and do something that would truly be helpful?"

How hard is it to say that?  [/quote]

Sorry.....we don't agree.  You are putting the onus on her mother - I think some of it belongs on OP.   Sure, mom was not trying to annoy OP and intent is a HUGE factor in my book.  OP knows her mother and should have had some alternative projects in anticipation of her mother being there.  Obviously just telling her mother over the years did not work - you have to adapt.

But then again, I love and respect my mom to a fault and this minor issue would not be worth damaging the relationship over.  My mother is elderly OCD and having a productive relationship with her in her golden years is more important than me chastising her for trying to be helpful.

I am honestly glad that OP does regret how she handled it.  Not because I think she was wrong, but because I think the relationship is too important. [/quote]

PP you're responding to... You mention your mother has OCD, so you're dealing with it in the context of a diagnosed, I presume, mental illness.  That seems like a different situation, where you'd have different expectations of what the older person is able to do.  Would you suggest the OP treat it like her mom has a mental problem?  I actually wondered about that, given the older mom's inability to control herself...like there's some kind of anxiety playing out here.[/quote]

PP here.  Honestly, when I read the OP, I immediately "diagnosed" OCD and I thought of my mother's doctor telling me that there is a "trend" of people first displaying signs at an advanced age.  It came up in a situation similar to this, where my mom recently started cleaning up after everyone immediately. It was "annoying" I guess, but I never thought to snap at her about it - our relationship is just not that way.  I was able to corner her doctor about it and he said he sees it alot in older people (my mom is 75).  So...maybe I am just more sensitive about it than others. [/quote]

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